Doggie Don't

Story Sent in by Adam:

Ellie brought her dog with her on our date. It was cool. I like dogs, especially chocolate labs, which is what she had. But while we were at a table at an outdoor cafe, the dog took a dump right by the table, right where the servers would walk between tables.

I saw it happen. Ellie saw it happen. But she didn't do anything about it. She just kept talking about god-knows-what. I finally blurted, "You gonna clean that up?"

She said, "When we're done. I'm not gonna touch it before we eat."

It wasn't long before a waiter came up to us and asked Ellie to clean it up. I didn't think it was a big deal She could just use a bunch of paper towels and then wash her hands. But Ellie took great offense to the suggestion and yelled at the server, "Don't oppress my dog!" She then slammed a fork on the table, stood up, and left. Sadly, she took her dog with her. No goodbyes or anything like that. She just left this house of canine oppression.

I ended up cleaning the dog poop, apologizing for my wacky date, and leaving shortly thereafter. I was surprised to receive an email from Ellie in which she didn't so much apologize and more kind of just blamed the restaurant for ruining our date. I laughed at the email and didn't contact her again.


  1. I've always been kind of disappointed that chocolate labs aren't, in fact, made of chocolate.

    1. Or that brown cows don't produce chocolate milk. Or that you cannot, in fact, grow monet on trees.

    2. Without monet you can't by degas to make your van gogh.

  2. I would have set up a second date, if only to find a way to deliver that dog poop back to her. Granted, the stink would have worn off by then, but it's the principal of the thing.

    1. Had a friend over and she said she wanted to run out and get some cookies from this awesome new little bakery thatbjust opened up near me. She comes back with 2 paper sleeves with cookies in them and hands me one. I open mine and it's got dog poop in it. I look up and she's laughing her ass off. Tells me she couldn't help it, wanted to see my face, and she splits her cookie with me, after I wash my hands, of course.

      Anyway, I'm all for the idea of gifting it back to her. Or go get a fresh one from a nearby dog park or whatever. Put it in a little box, add wrapping paper and ribbons, set a second date, and give her your gift. Don't forget to have your camera ready.

  3. Most dog owners carry poopy bags with them. They are super cheap and available everywhere, and you can clip them on to the leashes (or I just tie one on at the end). I even buy fancy ones with pretty patterns so people know my dog is a girl. They also have biodegradable poop bags and scented poop bags. Shame on her for not having a poop bag with her!


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