Fancy Feast

Story Sent in by L.V.:

On my date with the wacky Caroline she asked me if I had ever eaten cat food. I told her I hadn't. Had she?

She said, "In elementary school my parents would buy it, chop it up, and make it into sandwiches with Wonder Bread. Of course they only told us once they stopped doing it."

I told her, "That's pretty bad. Was it tasty at least?"

She said, "It was amazing. Even now I sometimes buy it and I don't even have a cat!"

After one more date together, Caroline invited me to her house. When I arrived I found that she had made sandwiches. With Wonder bread. And some very cat-food-smelling meat.

"Are these cat food sandwiches?" I asked her.

"Try it!" she said.

I didn't want to try it and I told her so. She took great offense, ate my sandwich herself, and things were so awkward that I decided to leave while she cooled down. Only she never cooled down and I never saw her again.


  1. Should have stayed around OP. You missed out on dessert!

    1. For some reason I was thinking a bad rendition of Cat People without the sex and crappy food

    2. Jesus, Archie, you just gave me flashbacks.

  2. Well that last date was a catastrophe.I would be appawed as well if I was served Wonder Bread,so dry.For a man to truly understand rejection he must first be ignored by a cat...or a woman that eats cat food.

  3. This seems like an ideal post for off color jokes. I am just no good at them on my own so please combine any of the following:

    pussy, meow meow, kitty, Daniel Tiger, taco, loose meat, smelled like kitty, tasted like chicken

    into a punchline.

  4. All these girls trying too hard the be a MPDG, but they're crossing past quirky and into creepy. You're supposed to ride a scooter and look like Zooey Deschanel.

  5. I shouldn't have read this while I was about to eat my own lunch.

    1. Goddamnit, now everyone in the studio is looking at me. Note to self: Don't take large gulp of drink while simultaneously clicking on a link from Archie Girl. Your computer screen, keyboard, and the rest of the studio thank you.

    2. Better late than never, but funny story! On Friday, I answered a colleague's question in our open studio and made myself laugh so much I had to excuse myself so I didn't keep interrupting the rest of the studio. I stood up from my desk, turned around... and caught my pants on the stupid fir edge of my desk. A 5" x 1/2" piece of fir narrowly missed impaling my leg, and I walked around the rest of the day with a very large hole in my pants and mascara running down my face from laughing so hard. I'm telling you, I'm a riot!


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