Itch, Please

Story Sent in by Lawrence:

Aimee and I were sitting in a booth, out to a nice dinner (so I thought) when she started to moan like she was really... enjoying whatever it was she was up to.

It took me a minute to realize that she was scratching herself. Her butt. Right there at the table. Like she was in her own living room or something. The sounds she was making were like a beached whale. Like the scratching provided her with intense relief, but not of the sort that's really appropriate for a first (or any) date.

When she was finally done she said, "That was really great. Wow."

I said, "It sounds like you accomplished something major."

She agreed, "I'll say. Oh, man. My ass. Wow."

I guess it would be sexist of me to say it was unladylike. So I'll just say it was really unattractive and I didn't ask her out again.


  1. whenever a lady moan like that you're supposed to play w/urself and make animal noises too, op. It's the beached whale's matting call and dance.

  2. Were you being testing?
    Did you fail?
    Is this fourth-wave feminism?

    I have the questions -- not the answers.

    Though I know (from experience) that were the date sufficiently callipygian I could forgive a great deal.

    1. There IS no 4th-wave feminism anymore. All the dinner-wh0ring set women back about 60 years, so we're back to the first wave again...

  3. All I can imagine is Aimee sitting in the booth, trying to figure out how to get out of a horrible date, and deciding, "Fuck it, I'ma go out like Kanye"


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