But Is It a Man?

Story Sent in by Marni:

Tom picked me up for our date at my house with a small bouquet of flowers and a half dozen mylar balloons. One of the balloons said, "It's a boy!" another said, "It's a girl!" another said, "Congrats, grad!" and another said, "I'm sorry."

"What's the occasion?" I had to ask him.

He said, "I thought you'd like them. Plus they were on sale. They're festive. Ready to go?"

I thought it was kind of funny until we actually had dinner. He pointed to the vegetarian options on my menu and said, "Would you mind going veggie for the night? Those entrees are usually a lot cheaper."

I was likely going to order a vegetable entree anyway but all the same I decided to have some fun with him. I asked him if he wanted to order appetizers. Maybe chicken wings or...

"No!" he said a bit too firmly. Okay then.

The check came and he hemmed and hawed about it quite a bit before finally paying. I offered to pay but he rebuffed me. So at least that was thoughtful.

When he dropped me back off at my house he said, "I think I might have given you one of the balloons by accident. Would it be okay if I had one back?"

I asked, "Which one?" thinking that he might have legitimately meant to give a particular (and apropos) balloon to someone else.

"Any of them," he said.

I laughed, went inside, and came back with the "It's a boy!" one. As I put it into his car he said, "I figured you'd choose that one. Good night."

He took off and I never saw him again.


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    1. Now you're just doing it to annoy me. But in case you aren't. It is either "Could've" or "Could have". One is a contraction of the other. There is no such thing as "Could of".

      Now, I will never speak of it again.

    2. ::::sigh:::until I do it again.Thank you for teaching me the ways of the language arts.I hope one day to become a Jedi verbal jouster...

  2. I kinda pictured the date as Jared... Not saying, just saying...

    1. I don't bring balloons.

      I bring the awesome. What do you bring, Steve? The clap?

  3. I kinda pictured the date as this guy....There are two kinds of people....

  4. Balloons are useless...I bet he got one back to use on his next date.

    1. Or the funeral he was going to. Nothing says "Glad you're dead!" like a balloon that says "It's a boy!".

    2. Hahaha sounds legit. Classic Tom.

  5. Why can't people just be truthful in their profile? If you had known, you could have at least given him a gift of equal or lesser value.

  6. "The check came and he hemmed and hawed about it quite a bit before finally paying. I offered to pay but he rebuffed me. So at least that was thoughtful"

    Uh, no, that was pretty controlling actually. (Was that sarcasm in the OP? I'm pretty bad at detecting sarcasm.) He dictates what you eat and won't let you pay for it? I'd be like "Nope, I choose what I eat and I don't expect you to pay. If cost is an issue, then let me pay for my share." And if he didn't accept that, the dinner wouldn't happen.

  7. I hope you made sure he at least tipped the waiter...this guy sounds like a cheap version of Patrick Bateman.


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