Main Squeeze

Story Sent in by Jeffrey:

I was out to dinner with Clara, who I had met on Match. In the middle of our meal she went to the bathroom, came back, and announced, "I pooped!"

"Congratulations," I replied.

She said, "Aren't you gonna ask me how I did it so quickly?"

Upon reflection, she hadn't been gone for more than a couple of minutes. That was pretty fast. So I asked, "How?"

She said, "By starting as soon as I walked into the bathroom. It takes a few seconds for it all to work together, so I just start squeezing as soon as I walk in. By the time I'm on the toilet, it's ready to go. It's how our ancestors did it. I read an article."

I said, "What if you walk in and start squeezing and there are no open toilets?"

She laughed and said, "Then I'm in trouble!" and then she laughed even more. I laughed along with her. How silly!

Last date.


  1. Oh. My. God. She really brought the sexy to the date.

    So, she walks in to the bathroom already working on dropping a deuce, but what about toilet preparation? Also, points to the OP for asking a pertinent question about occupied stalls. I guess she could've asked to share.

  2. I like how she's using prairie-dogging as a life hack...

  3. She laughed and said, "Then I'm in trouble!" and then she laughed even more. I laughed along with her. How silly! = http://joyreactor.com/post/1314299.

    I'm sorry, I'm not high speed enough to do the word hyperlink in these comments. *sulks in the corner*

    1. Here's the code since I liked your link. (a href="your link between these quotes")text you want to be red goes here(/a) Now replace the parenthesis with the grater than and less than symbols and you got it!

    2. ^Thanks, Architect! :)

    3. <a href="you mean like this?"&>Because if you use the right html special characters and formatting you can to a lot of stuff on here.</a> <b>Like making text bold,</b> <i>or italic!</i>

    4. I'm in the process of reading the archives (yes, work has been slow) and I miss her too. She brought a certain flavor to the comments section. Or maybe that was just the stench of overcrowding from the unwashed masses living in her cavernous vagina.

    5. This is true. How ironic that she actually does have someone living in her vagina now. I'm thinking she will name her 1st born Jarrrrrrrrrred.

  4. I bet she also does kegel exercises at red lights... my kinda gal...


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