Good Mews, Bad Mews

(What did Oscar-winning screenwriter Charles Randolph (The Big Short) teach me about writing? Find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Joshua:

I walked through a mall with Esther on our first date. We passed a pet store and there were a half dozen kittens in the window. Esther couldn't control herself and ran inside to play with them.

She was at it for a little while when I grew bored and asked her if we could move along.

She said, "Maybe just one more minute?"

I gave her close to five more minutes when I told her, "It's time to go."

She asked, "Can I just have a minute alone with them? You can wait for me outside."

I left the store and caught up on some emails on my phone. After a little while, Esther still hadn't come out. I strode into the store to find her but she wasn't there. I looked up and down the aisles but she was gone.

I texted her to ask where she was and she replied, "114 Martine Ave." Martine was a block away from the mall and while I wondered why she didn't grab me when she left the pet store, it was an easy walk.

114 Martine Avenue was... you guessed it! A pet store! I went inside and didn't find Esther. I texted her again, "Where are you?"

She replied, "Back in the mall pet store. Playing with kittens!"

I texted her, "How about we go for lunch?"

She replied, "NO."

So I went to the mall food court, had lunch on my own, and went home.


  1. In all fairness, it's hard to compete with kitten-faces!

  2. You had no chance OP. Walking past kittens on a first date is a rookie mistake. Once that look came over her face, it was all over.

  3. Actually she was allergic to cats.. she just REALLY didn't like you.

    1. Yep. pretty sure she just hid in the next store over until he left the mall and then ran for it.

    2. She didn't run. She casually walked out so as not to draw attention to herself.

  4. Speaking of adorable kittens, everyone should go see "Keanu". If you like Key and Peele, you'll love it since it's basically a two hour K&P sketch.

  5. To be fair, she must have thought that you were pretty cold-hearted to snob a bunch of kittens. Seing your attitude ''she couldn't control herself'' ''for a little while when I grew bored'' ''FIVEEEE more MINUTES''.... Well I guess that she just wanted to avoid you, shitty way to do it by ditching you there though.


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