Story Sent in by Francis:

During my senior year in college, I dated Janet. We hadn't slept with each other yet when we planned to spend Christmas together at her parents' house. We had separate bedrooms (her parents were really strict about that) but I still hoped we'd find a way to secretly do it while I was there.

Late on Christmas Eve, she came into my bedroom in a onesie and we talked for a little while. Then we made out and I ended up ripping her pajamas off to reveal some really hot red lingerie underneath. Next thing you know, we were at it.

Thing was, Janet's moans were really, really loud. As in screamingly loud. I gently shushed her, as her parents and siblings were in the house and they would all surely hear us. But that only succeeded in making her even louder.

Sure enough, I heard the stomping of feet and loud knocking at the closed guest bedroom door. Her father's voice bellowed, "Janet! What the hell are you doing?"

Janet shoved me off of her and looked truly panic-stricken. It was like it hadn't occurred to her that this was the likely outcome.

I threw on my shirt and pants and said to her, "Put some clothes on."

Instead, she slipped into the closet. Naked.

Without any better options, I opened the room door to face her father. I said, "I'm sorry. We meant no disrespect."

"Where's Janet?" he asked.

I said, "She's just getting dressed. In the closet."

For some reason, Janet chose that moment to burst from the closet, cover herself up with her hands, and flee past us, screaming, "Don't look! I'm naked!"

She ran into a bathroom across the hall and slammed the door shut. Her father glared at me and I apologized a few more times. He asked me to relocate my sleeping area to the living room couch, I supposed because that would've made it more difficult for anything untoward to occur.

I woke up there on Christmas morning and the whole family behaved really weirdly to me. They were polite and cordial, but they all acted like I had done something really terrible. When we had breakfast and opened presents, it was the most awkward experience of my life. It was like opening presents at a funeral. No one smiled or laughed and it was really bizarre. It was like they were doing the Christmas morning thing because they had to.

Most odd of all was the fact that Janet wasn't there. She wasn't in her bedroom and when I asked her family where she was, they just said, "She's out." It was like Christmas with the children of the corn and I couldn't take it anymore. I left with all my things and texted Janet to ask her where she was.

She never replied and so our relationship ended.


  1. Well, I think I see where her daddy issues come from...

  2. I think this was your girlfriend's way of breaking up with you.

  3. Dude... Feel so bad for you homie...

  4. I feel so bad for Janet. She probably has a super religious and/or anti-sex family.


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