Where's Grandpa's Undercarriage Rag?

(What's a writer's one job? Click here to find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Carol:

I was out to lunch on my first date with Christopher and we had just ordered our food when he handed me a washcloth folded tightly into a zippered freezer bag.

I asked him what it was for and he told me he had brought it in case I had wanted to wash up before the meal.

I thanked him for the thought, but told him I'd probably be just fine going to the bathroom to wash my hands. After I did that and returned to the table he again passed the washcloth in my direction and asked me if I would wash up.

My hands had just been washed and I had showered before arriving there. I didn't need to wash up any further. But he was adamant. He talked about how it was a brand-new washcloth he had bought just for me, how difficult it was to fit it into the freezer bag, how he had washed with a similar washcloth himself just before coming out to meet me, and so on from there.

Finally I relented. I told him I'd pat my hands with the cloth if that would help him feel better. I opened the bag and the smell hit me immediately. You wouldn't know it just from looking at it, but the washcloth (or maybe just the inside of the bag) smelled like a toilet that had never once been flushed. It made me gag, it was so bad.

I tried to seal the bag again but it wasn't happening and I shoved it back toward him. He asked me what was wrong and smelled it, himself.

He made a face and said, "Oops! I gave you the wrong one. I'll bring the right one next time. Promise."

Yeah. There was no next time.


  1. This is the kind of story which disgusts me the most. I'm sadly aware there are fetishists who haven't the balls to announce beforehand they are in search of a kindred stink partner, but even a perve should have enough sense not to whip out a bag of crap at a dinner table. I realize the insane walk amongst us, but to be so stupidly accomodating as to actually open a possible bag of biological warfare as if THAT were normal ? (grumbles) This put me off breakfast ~ ugh.

  2. Couldn't illustrate the horror in this story as well as you did.

  3. Oh LORD I could not stop watching that !! Well chosen and....uh.....{{{SCREAM}}} ~ (laughing) - and thanks Snarkastic ! I have to go shower now :P

  4. ^ Glad I could humor and disgust you all at once La Mar!


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