Why It Only Works in Song

Story Sent in by Charles:

I had been together with Amber for a little under a year when Valentine's Day rolled around. I thought it would be an amazing and marvelous surprise to lay her down on an actual bed of actual roses. So I made the plans a couple of weeks beforehand. Scores of red and pink roses were purchased, the petals were removed and sealed in airtight bags, and then it was just a matter of waiting for the day.

I had a key to her place so I cut out of work early to make it happen. I hurried into her bedroom with three large bags of rose petals, then completely covered her bed with them. By the time I was done, it looked awesome.

I waited for her to come home. When she did we started with the kissing and she led me into her bedroom. She yelled, "Oh my God!" when she saw it and from there it was like her clothes flew off on fast-forward. I could barely keep up. Then I picked her up and laid her down. I climbed atop her and we embraced and–

She yelled, "Ow! Mother f–"

She winced and reached behind herself, toward her lower back. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" she said.

She pulled out what looked like a tiny stick. But then I realized what it was. A thorn.

Thing was, I had thought I had been extra careful to avoid any part of the stem of the roses, especially the thorns. But I guess I hadn't been as careful as I had thought.

I was about to apologize when she winced again. "Ow! God damn it!"

It was another thorn. She scrambled up from under me and jumped off the bed. "Get out," she yelled, "Get out of here!"

I told her, "I'm sorry. I can clear the bed."

"I am naked and bleeding and telling you to leave!" she said.

I gathered my clothes and took off. She broke up with me by text a few days later and was sure to mention, "Thanks for leaving me a gigantic mess to clean up."

So I won't be doing that again.


  1. I can suspend disbelief for sake of a good story but I've got to call bullshit on this one. I've done the "Rose petals on the bed and/or a path leading up to the bed" thing several times and never had this happen.

    First off, if you have time to plan ahead you can get bags of rose petals directly from the florist, so no need to pluck them yourself. Side story: I was once in Vegas with a girlfriend and decided to do the rose petals on the bed thing so while she was out one day I ran down to the florist and asked for a bag of rose petals. She ask if I wanted a medium or large sized bag and I asked what the difference was. The lady behind me in line said "Is it for a queen or king size bed?" So yeah, she knew what I was up to. And since it was Vegas I also spread a hundred one dollar bills on the bed with the rose petals. Sexy in theory but rolling around hot and sweaty where a bunch of rose petals and dollar bills keep sticking to you gets distracting. Also, bumping grinding on top of a bunch of colorful rose petals will grind colorful little stains onto your skin and your sheets. Just an FYI. End of digression.

    Even if he didn't buy the petals pre-plucked and did the last-minute thing of buying roses from the late-night super market or from that guy selling them from the highway median, how did he get thorns in there? Of all the ways I can fathom to remove petals from a rose, none of them have more than a 0% chance of confusing thorns for petals or cross-contaminating the two.

    It's possible that this girl made up the thorns thing as some kind of weird mid-date mid-coitus escape which wouldn't be unusual given some of the other stories we've seen here. But the way the story is told, that way it's worded, it just sounds like something the OP made up to have a story to tell his buddies. Of course they probably asked him if he was dating this gal for just under a year why they hadn't ever seen her to which I'm sure he explained "You don't know her. She's from Canada."

  2. So given that you spent most of your Valentine's Day writing that, I'm guessing Vegas girl was less than impressed? :)

  3. ^ Damn. ToL, let me get you some ointment for that third degree burn.

  4. Ouch! Well that happened about 10 years ago. We ended up married (not married in Vegas but did take honeymoon there) and then divorced about 7 years ago. As far as I can remember, thorns in the bed did not influence either of those events.

    At as for my recent Valentine's Day date - it went quite fine, thank you very much! But you wouldn't know her, she's from Canada.

  5. OP, please do not let this woman's ridiculous overreaction deter you from doing something like this in the future! What you did was wonderful, thoughtful, and romantic. You did nothing wrong, she's the one who behaved like a despicable human being. Your only mistake was doing such a sweet thing for someone who was so very obviously undeserving of your thoughtfulness. Please don't let her spoiled brat, prima donna reaction and attitude shade your perception of how the romantic situation you created could have played out with a much more deserving woman!

  6. The rose petal thing is sweet and a great idea; just plan a little better next time. (Or use Lindt milk chocolate truffles, in the red wrappers. That's what I did for my first Valentine's Day with my now-fiancée.)

    1. You rolled around on a bed of melting chocolates?!

    2. Happily we had the common sense to clear them off before we got on the bed. :)


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