The First Date Glow

Story Sent in by Lula:

One evening in deepest, brightest summer, Maurice and I went out together on a first date. We had met online and I was looking forward to meeting him.

He showed up with skin that was bright, fire-engine red. It was as if he had splayed out on a beach without suntan lotion for a full month.

"Oh my God!" I couldn't help but say, "Are you okay?"

"My skin is gone," he said mournfully. "But I'm on pills and aloe. I'll be fine."

"What happened?"

"There was an incident. At the radiation farm."

I wasn't sure if I had heard him correctly. "Radiation farm?"

He said, "Yeah. But it's cool. Pills and aloe are a godsend. Ready for dinner?"

I assumed "radiation farm" was just a euphemism for "too much sun."

He was fine and jovial through dinner, although I'll admit that looking at him was like looking at a radiation monster out of a 1950s movie. Also, he did this weird twitch with his eyes that made them sort of bug out at me. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but the whole package was just really freaky.

He paid for dinner and I thanked him. As we walked around town a little bit, he said, "I'd hug you but I don't want you to catch what I have."

I said, "Sunburns aren't communicable."

He replied, "No, but radiation is."

For the record, Maurice had previously told me that he worked full-time in a music store. Not in a nuclear lab or radiation farm or wherever else.

I asked him, "What's this 'radiation farm' all about?"

He replied, "Just something some guy-friends and I do. Nothing too important."

"Can you tell me anything more?"

"Not really."

So that was all I heard about it. He didn't hug me goodnight, but he gave me a bow and then went on his way. He asked me out again, but I was just too weirded out by the whole affair, so I politely turned him down.


  1. That's what happens when you go out with David Oppenheimer's grandson, OP. He is become death, destroyer of dates.

  2. @ Saggy - Nice!

    So, I'm picturing a cross between this and this. Sound about right OP?


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