A Moving Experience

(The Austin Film Festival was a mighty party. Read my notes on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Ruby:

Oliver took me to a driving range for our first date. We both golfed, so I thought it was a fine idea. We split a bucket of balls and hit away.

After a little bit, Oliver set down his club and told me, "Back in a minute. Time to poop."

Thanks for letting me know. I tried to shake the image from my mind as I continued to hit.

When he returned, he said to me, "Just pooped. Now I'm good to go."

"Thanks for the information," I said.

"Do you need to poop? Now's a good time. The poop room's free."

"I'm good."

"You sure? You haven't pooped all night."

"Can we stop talking about this?"

"What? Poop? It's a natural human emotion."

I raised my voice, "Can we just stop talking about it?"

He stared at me like I was a lunatic and said, "Sure. Fine. Whatever."

Once we were done hitting balls, he made a quick exit and I never saw him again.


  1. He was upset that you didn't want to follow his act in the bathroom. You could have marinated in his.....essence.

    Also, taking a dump is not an "emotion", so much as an action. Granted, it can be an emotional action after that second burrito from Chipotle.

  2. This whole story makes me feel poop.

  3. Another one of those freaks who play a hinting game instead of outright saying, "Hey, I have a poop fetish - do you?" It would save a mess of time if it's that important to them.

  4. He didn't flush. He wanted you to poop on his poop. You happened to catch this guy on opposites day.

  5. I would've done the same thing, OP. The first date is way too soon for a Number Five.

  6. He just wanted a Cleveland Steamer... you disappointed him.

  7. At least he wasn't talking about doing a Number 3


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