The Toxic Avenger

Story Sent in by Robert:

As an activity on our first date, Alisia was hell-bent on seeing the 7:30 showing of The Avengers. I was stuck in traffic, but she was already at the theater and texted me non-stop to hurry, hurry, hurry. I asked her to just wait on line, buy two tickets, and I'd reimburse her for mine. She didn't like that idea nearly as much as she liked the idea of me hurrying.

I arrived before showtime and ran into the theater. We waited in line, but that wasn't fast enough for Alisia. She cut about 20 people and ran up to the counter and asked for two tickets to the show. The clerk told her that the showing was sold out.

Alisia then turned toward the line, shook her fists into the air, screamed, and ran out of the theater.

The film was showing on multiple screens, so I returned to the line and bought a ticket for the 8:00 show for myself. I texted her, "Just bought a ticket for the 8pm show. Should I get one for you?"

She wrote back: "YES!!!"

As I had already left the line, I went back onto it to purchase a second ticket for her. While I was waiting, though, the 8:00 show sold out. Oh well. I had a blast by myself and never heard from Alisia again.


  1. If you knew you were going to do that, why not text her prior to purchasing the ticket?

  2. Her superpower was cray cray, his was douchitude.

  3. OP is a dick. Everyone knows to be at a theater early on opening night. As Mike Birbiglia said "Early lasts for hours, for days! But on time only lasts for a second, and then you're late."

    Alisia should have bought her ticket and let you get your own when you eventually showed up. Kinda like that dick move you pulled at the end of the story.

    PSA: Be early for a movie to get tickets and a good seat. Then, STFU or GTFO.

  4. Architect-I don't see how OP is a dick about getting to the theatre. He was stuck in traffic and you can only go as fast as the traffic is moving.
    I do agree on the part about not texting her before buying his ticket though.

  5. In what parallel universe is The Avengers released but there isn't any service that allows you to buy tickets in advance??

    OP is more than a little smug about getting to see it instead of Alisia, and it seems like her main crime was being excited about seeing it. So yeah, I second Archie, OP.

    @Tammy - If the traffic is unexpected because of road work or unfamiliar city, I'll give a total pass. But if you live there and this is normal after work congestion that's really on you. I say this as a chronically late person myself.

  6. I don't get it how is she toxic?

  7. Toxic Avenger. Great superhero movie. Look it up !

  8. i like the movie anchor man! and brick is one of my favorite characters

  9. ^ Stop it, just stop it. You are literally killing me with your words.

  10. OP is a Douche with a capital D. She didn't get a ticket because she was waiting for you to show up. And then she didn't GET to buy one because of your lateness. You then had the opportunity to buy tickets for a showing 30 minutes later and didn't buy one for her knowing how badly she wanted to see the movie. YOU, my friend, were the bad date. Not her.


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