In the Mouth of Madness

Story Sent in by Mark:

I had hugged Amy when we first met in person (after meeting online) but something about her smelled awful. It was her breath. Even throughout our walk and (even worse) sitting across from her at dinner, the smell was inescapable.

I did my best to pretend that nothing was wrong. After dinner, I offered her a mint.

She declined, saying, "I'm allergic to anything minty. I can't even brush my teeth anymore because every toothpaste has some mint in it."

I offered, "Surely there exists some toothpaste somewhere that doesn't have mint in it, for people like you."

She said, "If there is, I haven't found it. I usually just rinse out my mouth with diluted peroxide and that's enough, anyway."

It wasn't enough. And after dinner was my first and only time ducking out of a first kiss. I made up some excuse like, "Let's take it slow," but I don't think she bought it. There was no second date.


  1. A smell can bring an extra dimension to a night out. I once farted during a date and the expression on my dates face when the smell got to him was priceless. There was quite a bit of disgust of course but also delight when he noticed the rich undertone of semen and strawberry lube. Now that's how a lady lets a gentleman know first base is anal.

  2. She should try a toothpaste made for kids. They are bubblegum or fruit flavored, no mint.

  3. I used to use a cinnamon flavored toothpaste. I'm pretty sure Colgate or Crest still makes it.

  4. There are recipes online for making your own toothpaste, if the cinnamon ones don't work.

  5. I think Tom's of Maine makes a cinnamon toothpaste


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