Grin and Bear It

(Flaws are wonderful. Find out why in my writer's column - Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Douglas:

Mary was pretty hippy-dippy. She was into crystals and crystal balls and crystal pendulums and whatever else, but she seemed nice enough to ask out for drinks.

While we were out she put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Strong shoulders. You were probably a bear."

"Excuse me?"

"In a past life, you were probably a bear. Do you ever have bear dreams or visions of bears?"

"I saw a bear once at a zoo," I admitted.

"Did it speak to you?"

That made me hesitate. Was she for real? "As in, did the bear and I engage in conversation?"

"Or were you drawn to the bear or did it take notice of you or–"

"It took a crap right in front of me, if that means anything."

She nodded slowly. The gears were turning. "It might," she said, "Let me check and get back to you."


I have no clue what oracle she'd consult to discuss whether or not a crapping bear meant anything. The remainder of our time out went comparatively well, although she did claim to have been a butterfly in a past life because "butterflies were attracted" to her. It might've also been her perfume, which made her smell like a sugar cookie. Ultimately too weird for a second date, so I never discovered if I was ever a bear or not.


  1. She went home to read your scatological sign.

    Also, I had a memory of my past life just last night.

  2. Was it a sign?

    Was it a sign??

    Does a bear crap in the zoo?!?

  3. I once had my stool read by a fortune teller, or was it a date? Either way apparently I need less corn in my diet.

  4. Oh, sure, Douglas, deny that the bear is your spirit animal. Just a crap that one time, you said. Nothing else, you said.

    And you'd be into crystals and shaz, too, if you had to Battle Queen Gedren to wrest control of the Talisman. If your, ahem, swordplay had been bear-able, it may have worked out much better for ya.

  5. As a Pagan who's got her own collection of crystals and believes in reincarnation, even I think this woman is pretty dang weird, so I suppose that's saying something.

    She just seems a little too pushy, and spiritual beliefs are never a good topic for first dates!


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