Troll Call

(Dialogue isn't cheap. Why use it cheaply? Click here to check it out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Luis:

I thought that going out for coffee would be a good, inexpensive way to meet and greet on a first date. I paid for both my drink and Pamela's and we sat down together and talked for a bit. Then as we spoke she took out her phone and at first I thought she was checking the time. Then it became apparent that she was texting.

I didn't say anything about it at first, but she didn't stop and so I said, "Why are you texting? We're on a date."

She said, "Sorry. I'll be done in half a sec," but she wasn't done for a while. I just sat there and enjoyed my iced coffee while she typed away.

Then, without a word to me, she put the phone to her ear. She was actually making a phone call during our date! I was ready to leave, but she suddenly leaned over and held the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" a woman on the line said, "Hello?"

"Uh..." I began, and Pamela whispered, "Talk to her!" to me.

"Who is it?" I asked Pamela.

The woman over the phone said, "Pamela? You there?"

Not sure of what else to do, I said, "Pamela's not here. I'm her dad."

Pamela slapped her hand to her forehead. Clearly I had not said the right thing. The woman on the phone said, "Who is this? Where's Pamela?"

I said, "I... I have taken Pamela. You will never see her again! Ha ha ha!"

Pamela ripped the phone away from me and hung up. "What were you thinking?" she hissed.

I couldn't help but smile. "You handed me the phone with no explanation. I have no idea who that was. What was I supposed to do?"

"Be a man about it," Pamela said, then stood up and said, "Now I have to undo what you just did. Adios." She left, not even ever having thanked me for her coffee.


  1. A REAL man talks to ANYONE on the phone, no questions asked.

  2. Op,
    she wanted you to date the lady over the phone, Pamela wasn't your date this phone lady was.

  3. I think I speak for all the readers of this blog when I say if it weren't for Blue Blue's illuminating comments, none of us would understand these complicated stories.

    Pamela wanted the OP to date the phone lady! Yes! Now it all makes sense!

  4. I think I speak for all the readers of this blog when I say if it weren't for Devil's illuminating comments, none of us would understand what shrill really means. .

  5. Oh, TryN2Fly, you wouldn't know shrill if it bit you on your rotten, cellulite ridden bum. Anyone who reads my comments knows I'm a pompous, college degree holding harpie. Please distinguish the difference.

  6. Oh by the by, OP, I find you very funny. Thanks for that. :)

  7. The correct answer here would be "Pamela is much too shy to tell you herself, but I should tell you that she is crazy about you, and her fantasies are quite explicit..."

  8. Poor Devil can't remember describing herself as shrill, must be pre wedding jitters. I am rather flattered Devil wants to bite my perky bottom, I'll just go and hose it out in preparation.

  9. You don't mention what Pam said on the phone to whomever she was talking to. I think she assumed that you had heard what she said and thus would know what to say when she handed the phone to you.

  10. Blue blue, the simplest explanation is always the correct one.

    The date was secretly a lesbian lawyer who had just ended a long 2-3 year on and off again relationship with her ex-lesbian lover. She was confused and didn't know what to do. When she said OPs ugly man face, she decided to go back to the beaver. Struck with envy, she decided to call her ex, but wanted to play hard to get so she put OPs manly man voice on the phone to scare her into getting that taco wet for when she got drunk on cheap white wine from her box later that night.

    Duh! It's so simple!


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