Qué Lástima

Story Sent in by Reggie:

Clara was a Spanish teacher I found on a dating website. She told me a little about what she did, and I pegged her as a typical Spanish teacher.

In person she seemed cool until I asked her to demo some Spanish for me. We were in public, at a restaurant's outdoor patio. She said something really fast and unintelligible, and then she actually started kissing her own arm.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

She said, "Spanish gets me going. Whenever I hear it, it just kind of... you know."

I imagined her becoming hot and bothered in front of a room full of students. I shuddered.

I asked her to say something else in Spanish, and she said something too fast for me to figure out, but again afterward she kissed herself. This time, it was the back of her hands, back and forth.

A few odd stares came our way. I didn't ask her to demo anything else, but she did so of her own accord all the same. She said a few more Spanish phrases and kissed her own hands and arms and trembled pleasantly.

Finally, I said, "Buenos dias," hoping that there would be some sort of intense reaction directed toward me.

She merely looked at me blankly and said, "No."

Last date.


  1. Of all the messed up stories on this site, this is one of the weirdest to me. Is Clara really getting moist and kissing herself whilst teaching a bunch of kids? Who the hell kisses their own hand/arm when they get horny? Is Clara really Gomez Addams?

    Thankfully I never get horny because I'm in a perfect relationship with Art Vandelay. We have both evolved from doing the sex because that is for the blue collar, non-degree holding schlubs like TryN2Fly and TheArchitect, both of whom are jealous of me, my perfect relationship and my lady lawyer degree.

  2. It's Morticia Addams meets Peggy Hill. Spanish gets her so hot me amor! Whoo YEAH!

  3. I wonder if this is the same girl I met off of Match, many a moon ago... She was a NJ Spanish teacher, yet seemingly couldn't translate anything to save her life. She told me about going to her little NJ bars and picking up 5-foot Mexicans because "they spoke Spanish." Whatever floats your boat, hun...

    She should go back to school and finish out her law degree so she can upgrade to an Argentinian, for a *perfect* relationship.

  4. What are the characteristics of typical Spanish teacher?

  5. Although I'm sure there are some sane foreign language teachers, I've never met one who wasn't a full on nutter.

    My high school Spanish teacher was a raging bitch who would leave notes about class crap on our cars and show up to our after school jobs to discuss class stuff. My German teacher was a huge knob who flipped out if he heard us using slang words like "cool" or "ok". He also demanded we give him our home phone numbers and would call us on weekends to "chat" about German class and culture. Very weird.

  6. Lol architect.
    dvk you had some crazy teachers! I'd never give my personal number to a teacher. I can't be bugged when I'm attending important parties you know!

  7. if that makes her hot and bother how is she not fired for teaching those kids?

  8. Hahahaha Devil! I can't really compete with that kind of insanity, but I did have a French teacher who wouldn't let me use the computer in the library during lunch hour to print something that was due in my English class by the end of the day (the teacher wanted it double spaced and mine was single spaced so she cut me a break) because I didn't have my school library card on me. We had to put the card in this pocket on the side of the computer while we used it. So I left the otherwise empty library to borrow my friend's library card, and she kicked me out again for not using my own library card. So then I went and got my friend and had her sit with me while I used the computer and she argued with us because just because my friend was there didn't mean I could use the computer with her card. She argued so much that I ran out of lunch hour and ended up leaving without being able to print my assignment and not getting it in on time. This woman was my first period and homeroom teacher. She knew me.

    Language teachers be crazy, yo.

  9. Firstly, adults also learn Spanish.
    Secondly, there is nothing wrong with a little romantic kissing or a sensual massage of the hands prior to rubbing one out. Don't treat your hands like cheap working whores people.
    Thirdly, I have phd's in both law and architecture so that would be Dr TryN2Fly to you Devil
    Fourthly, initial investigations revealed how lucky Art Vandelay was to be rescued from the cleaner of the law firm aka DevilYouKnow. She keeps her victims in a pit in her basement where "it rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again". Then either makes a lady lawyer suit out of their skin or preserves the entire victim in formaldehyde so they are alway beautiful and can never hurt her.

  10. "Don't treat your hands like cheap working whores people."
    TryN2Fly, I think I fall in luv with you every day.

    Architect, I love the idea of Addams meets Hill. That could be a writing prompt for my newest class.

    Connie, your french teacher is a minet (I hope I translated that one right)

    And dang devil, your teachers be crazy

    I had a Spanish teacher who found out that I didn't apply to MIZZOU for college and she came into my afterschool newspaper class one day to lecture me about it, telling me that MIZZOU was the best journalism school in the country and why didn't I apply to go there? What was I thinking? I didn't end up majoring in journalism. Maybe I should have and listened to my maestra. Maybe...


  11. Minet means 'kitty'. So you're saying that my teacher was Architect's cat before she turned into the hot party animal she is today?

    I never thought of that....

  12. Me encanta mi gato! Soy muy afortunado de haber encontrado a su!!!!!11!!!1

  13. Je ne parlez pas à l'Espagne.

  14. yup. translated that one completely wrong. aiyiyi.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.