Good Thing Koalas Don't Eat Chocolate

Story Sent in by Joshua:

Inez was an Internet date that I ended up meeting offline. One of her online profile photos was a shot of her holding a koala, and from talking to her online and in person, she was a koala fiend.

She even said, "I almost wore one of my koala shirts tonight, but I figured I'd ease you into it gradually."

There were no issues at dinner, although she told me, more than once, that koalas apparently make great pets. After dinner, we went on a walk nearby and as we strolled past a yard with a bunch of bushes, she stopped and sniffed the air.

She asked me, "You smell that? Eucalyptus! I'd know it anywhere!"

She reached at a shrub and pulled off some leaves. She waved them at me, said, "Eucalyptus!" and popped a handful into her mouth.

She offered the one remaining leaf to me, and I refused her gracefully. She smelled the leaf, said, "Mmm!" and ate it, as well. She then grabbed and munched on another handful of leaves, and then another.

She said, "Only people and koalas can digest them. Sure you don't want any?"

I refused her politely, again. She ate the rest of the leaves and we walked on. She kept talking about them. "They're an acquired taste. They're bitter, but you can use them in tea, baking, and potpourri."

The date soon ended, and we both went home.

The leaves probably weren't eucalyptus, because she wound up violently ill over the following two weeks. I felt bad, but I lost interest, so we didn't go out again.


  1. Op, If i was you I would have said hold it, before you consume those leaves are you sure they are eucalyptus

    1. If you were the OP there wouldn't be a story because, based on your commenting history, you always know what should be done and every one else on the planet is an idiot who never does the right thing.

      The OP didn't owe it to Inez (who is presumably an adult) to warn her not to chomp down on leaves she found in the park. That's one of those things most people learn not to do as a child. This isn't olden times where one has to forage for food in the forest (or a park, I guess). Inez is a moron, plain and simple.

    2. Did you drop the mic after typing this?


    3. Thedevilyouknow, No, I'm just saying he or she not an idiot. I'm just saying that one of them should have looked up the leaves. that all cause I am the type of person who has concerns about other people.

    4. Yeah, I got what you're trying to say. It's still wrong and highly critical as usual.

      No one should have to have canieastthisrandomshit.com bookmarked on their phone on the off chance that they go out with a dipshit who thinks he/she is a koala and eats random leaves found in a park. Just don't eat leaves you find in a park!

      The OP isn't the screw up here, the leaf eating, koala loving Inez is. End of.

    5. True that Inez is stupid. but like anyone on this site I am entitled to my own opinion whether you think it wrong or highly critical is yours. If you don't like my comment just say so or don't bother comment on mines. Because apparently you don't know what the word comment means do you?

    6. It's funny that you're upset with thedevil because he/she voiced his/her opinion, saying that it's a comment section and you can say whatever you want.

      I'm with thedevil on this one and think it's ridiculous you put the blame of her eating random plants on the OP.

      But, ask yourself this, knowing what we all know about the plant eater from this story, do you really think the OP saying "Oh wait Inez, maybe you shouldn't eat that" would stop her?

    7. Oh Blue Blue, there you go again, championing the obvious...

      TDYK, you are the best! I loved canieastthisrandomshit.com. I'm seriously looking for that app for my phone. Can't tell you how many times I've wanted to chow down on a hand full of leaves and didn't have someone like Blue Blue around to stop me. I really need that app!

  2. OP, if I was you, I would hold it, see those people over there? They look like they want some too. Eat as much as you can!!!

  3. Eucalyptus leaves are toxic to humans. http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_Eucalyptus_poisonous

  4. Great pets? They have great big claws and are territorial and crotchey, not to mention it's illegal to have a koala as a pet unless you are a wildlife carer... she must be confusing koalas with drop bears. They make great pets.
    They probably roll with chunky horse.

    1. hmmm. interesting thought... BUT i'm pretty sure drop bears exclusively reside in australia. chunky horse, on the other hand, is an international phenom, and therefore much more dangerous.

  5. "Only people and koalas can digest them."

    Ummm, no. People can't digest them. Although the extract is used in making cough drops, that doesn't make the raw form safe to eat. Plus, who knows what's been sprayed there?

  6. Darn, I've been waiting for when this site intersects with A Thousand Ways To Die.

    (Thinks a moment...)

    On one episode, this idiot surprised his sex interest with live snails and she was suitably clueless that we had an ABCotD, ATWTD and Monsters Inside Me Three-Way! They both expired in zombie style.


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