Not Much Else to Do 'Round Here

Story Sent in by Gary:

I'm from a small town where the dating pool is maybe one foot deep. Seriously, it's impossible to date someone who hasn't already been dated by someone you know. But who knows, right? Their loss could be your gain... or an even bigger loss.

Kim was a usual customer in the ice cream shop where I worked. She was normally surrounded by friends, or with whatever guy she was dating, and she always ordered the same thing: butter crunch with M&Ms. She was hot, and she was always nice to me, even though she always forgot my name. When you're in the same ice cream shop twice a week for most weeks of the year, you'd think that "Gary" would be easy to recall, but I digress.

One time, she arrived in the shop, for the first time I could remember, without anyone else. I initiated conversation with her by bumping her up a size from the usual small that she ordered. She thanked me and I gathered that she was meeting someone there, although it looked like he wasn't going to show.

I told her that I was getting off work in around a half-hour, if she wanted to hang out. She said, "Sure, sounds good. Least I can do for you giving me more ice cream."

Well, I was young and dumb. What can I say?

For the rest of the half-hour, I prayed that the person she was meeting wouldn't show, and when he didn't, I busted out of the back room with a huge smile on, and I walked with her out of the store and around the downtown area. The downtown area was really small, and soon she said:

"I'm done, down here. What else do you want to do?"

For some reason I still can't quite figure, I said to her, "Have you been to the miner's cave? Off of Day Street?"

Day Street was the main road that led out of town (really the only road that led out of town) that zipped past a few small houses in the hills that were otherwise covered with trees and rocks. As far as I knew, there was no cave, but I had to come up with something, as I felt that I was boring her.

She was incredulous at the notion, and asked me a thousand questions about the cave. You have to understand, that by the time you're five, you know pretty much everything there is to know about our town. Any new discoveries are a huge deal. Now my problem was showing her a cave that didn't exist. No big deal.

I took her in my car to a thickly wooded area off of Day Street. I led her into the forest (it was broad daylight) to an area where I thought a cave, if one existed, likely would be.

I looked around a bit, saying things like, "It should be right around here," and "Last time I was here was earlier last year... I'm trying to remember where it is..." that in retrospect sound like I was looking for a good spot to kill her. I wasn't, but I did want her to have a good time with me.

While we didn't find a cave, we did happen upon a small clearing that had very obvious scorch marks, as if a huge bonfire had been lit there, and recently.

"That's weird," Kim remarked, and I had to agree. Then, she said, "What if it was aliens?" to which I didn't... as much... agree. But we looked around some more.

Behind one tree was a pile of used charcoal briquettes, and nearby was a dirty, empty burlap sack.

While we (mostly I) investigated, Kim became more and more nervous. "Aliens... aliens..." she muttered, as if anything we saw had anything to do with aliens. She babbled on, "Tommy saw some lights up in the hills the day before yesterday and he said that there were no birds chirping yesterday..." I had no idea who Tommy was or if his observations were credible. Birds were chirping, sure enough.

As I looked around a bit more, I happened upon a patch of yellow daisies. That wasn't unusual, but when I picked one, with the intent to give it to Kim, she screamed, "Aliens! Aliens! Aliens!" and took off, into the forest.

I looked around, trying to see what it was that set her off, but upon not seeing any aliens, I checked around the area a little more, then went off in search of her. I didn't find her after searching and calling out for her a bit. Anyway, it was lunch time and I went back to town to eat and go grocery shopping.

I didn't see her in the ice cream shop, or anywhere else, for a solid month after that. When she did make a reappearance, she claimed that she was abducted by aliens and that they had impregnated her. I didn't really buy it until she gave birth several months later, but to a very human baby boy. Didn't see much more of her, after that.


  1. Holy crap, where to begin? OP, you were definitely giving off that serial killer vibe, and the fact that you pretended to "investigate" the bonfire you used the week before to dispose of your last victim was fooling no one. Also, you should always hide the burlap bag, don't leave it lying around for the victim to discover. Also, you work in an ice cream shop which reminds me of The 'Burbs....creepy. And WTF with inventing a mine shaft that didn't exist? Were you watching too much Scooby Doo?

    Now for your "date". Obviously she was pregnant with "Tommy's" alien baby. She didn't tell you Tommy's last name was Knocker.

  2. So there wasn't another small town near by for the two of you to explore?

  3. So you lie to her about a cave that doesn't exist (something that she probably saw through pretty quickly), get her out in the woods, and then you're weirded out that she used a crazy excuse to get away from you? Dude...


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