And Borders Is Now Out of Business

Story Sent in by Joshua:

After our first date dinner, Eleanor and I wound up in a Borders bookstore. We browsed together at first, then we became separated. After a little bit, she found me and asked, "Ready to go? I got everything I came here for."

She wasn't carrying any bags, and I asked her, "What'd you get?"

"Some holiday shopping. Come on."

She hurried us out, and we sat down in a nearby food court. She said, "I got you something."

That was nice of her. She reached into her purse and pulled a little horoscope book, the little ones they sell as impulse buys next to the register, and handed it to me. It was for a Taurus.

I said, "Thanks. I'm Aries, though."

She took it back and handed me an Aries one. I took it and half-joked, "Did you buy one for each sign?"

She said, "I, well, I have one for each, except for Sagittarius. They were out."

I asked, "You did buy them, though, right?"

She said, "Look, it's a major chain and I work one part-time job. Do you know how much the CEO of Borders makes a year?"

"I know the employees don't make very much–"

"Yeah. Twelve billion dollars a year. The guy can afford to lose some stupid little horoscope books."

"But it'll look bad for the employees."

"They didn't catch me, so maybe they deserve to lose out because of it. If they were that concerned, they would've noticed me lifting them from right next to the registers."

I handed her the Aries book back and said, "Maybe you should return these. And besides, they might have video cameras."

She gasped, apparently not having thought of that. She grabbed the Aries book back from me, stood up, looked around, and said, "Okay, we've got to go. Right now. Now!"

She sped off, down an escalator, without waiting for me. I walked after her for a bit, then slowed down, stopped, and headed in the other direction. Didn't really feel like dating a thief, that day.


  1. Replies
    1. Well if she had lifted some macbooks or an ipod or something, it might have been a profitable relationship ya know?

  2. Dude, she got you a "present", what's your problem? And when stuff at your house turned out to be missing....well, you do make 12 billion dollars a year, so who gives a fuck, am I right?

  3. Everyone knows that in this situation, you use the illegal activities commited by your date as blackmail material to secure sexual favors. What the heck is WRONG with OP?

    1. Go to the head of the class, Steve.

    2. Steve, with blackmail for the win!

    3. Steve, you are awesomeness in a bottle.

  4. Sounds like she was trying to...*puts on sunglasses*...steal your heart.


    1. Reading between the lines... you were her star


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