General Erectiºn

Story Sent in by Sam:

I came back from the bathroom in a restaurant on my first date with Elaine. Sitting across from her, I was taken off-guard when she said, "Whoa. Calm down, stallion."

"What are you talking about?" I asked her.

She said, "You've got a raging hard--on. I just saw it. Turn it off."

For the record, I had no such thing. Instinctively, I glanced down at my lap to confirm that in fact, I had no such raging formation. I said, as low as possible, "I don't have a hard--on."

Elaine, in a voice loud enough for just about everyone to hear, replied, "You do too! Oh my God, you do too have a hard--on! I know what I saw!"

"Okay, well, it's, it's, let's talk about something else–"

"Will that make your johnny nightstick go away?" she asked.

We talked about other things as the night drew on, and as it ended, I had banished just about all thought of that conversation from my mind. I offered to walk her to her car, and she took me up on it.

When we arrived at her car, she turned to me, glanced down, and screamed. "Dear God! Your hard--on!"

I was wearing a sweater and a jacket. Even if I had a raging hard--on, there would be no possible way for her to see it.

I began to tell her that when she bolted to the driver's side of her car, saying, "Police! Oh my, my God! Police! This man's exposing himself to me!"

She slammed her door shut and drove off, leaving a very confused man with a limp pen|s behind.


  1. Maybe deep down, she wanted those things to be true...

    Oddly enough, going by this site, you're probably the only man who didn't expose himself on a date, ever.

  2. Holy god, what an insane date! She must have just seen the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode about the pants with a conspicuous bulge. It also could have been that continuous thrusting gyration your hips were doing all evening.

    But seriously who has a full on freak out about a hard-on? That's like you going ape shit if she had hard nipples!(I know it's not really the same, but the best I could do on short notice) "Police! Police! This woman is attacking me with her hard nipples!"

  3. The last sentence of this story WINS THIS SITE. Congratulations, Sam, you win. Sorry, everybody else with a story, Jared is going to have to shut down the site now. Sam just won.

  4. Johnny nightstick? I've never heard that one before!

    Elaine should seek some therapy about her hard-on obsession. She might also want to learn learn what indecent exposure actually entails.

  5. LOL @architect.
    Even if it was true, why would you draw attention to it?


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