Nerf Herders

(Are you a writer? I've a new blog for that: jaredsinkwell.blogspot.com. - JMG)

Story Sent in by Mary:

Ryan and I met at a friend's laser tag birthday party. We spent most of the time talking, as opposed to shooting, and I gave him my number. He called me a few days later, and we got on great.

After a couple of phone conversations, he asked, "Can I take you out? Like a date?"

"Like a date?" I repeated, laughing, "Sure."

He took me out first to a small chain toy store that had demo Nerf guns available to play with, and boy, did we play with them, shooting ourselves across aisles, counters, and corners. The staff must have loved us, but I thought it was a smart and fun idea for a pre-dinner activity.

In the midst of the carnage, he said, "I have a friend you'd be perfect for."

A dull ache hit against my stomach. I thought this was supposed to be a date? He had even said so, over the phone! Why would he have said that, if he wasn't interested? Ugh, he just wanted to be friends. Damn it.

I had to be sure, though. I asked, "Is that the end of the date, then?"

"Hang on," he replied, then whipped out his phone. "I'll call my friend, now. He'll meet us. You'll love him."

He dialed. I didn't want to seem insecure, but I was intensely curious about what had turned us from a date into a perfect-for-friend. We had been having such a great time.

I held my tongue and decided to try and perhaps win him back over, or at least to see what he was up to. We played around a bit more in the store as if nothing had happened, and then went off to a nearby place for dinner. He had asked his friend to meet us there, so I hoped that more would become clear.

Not one, but two other guys showed up. Both were in undershirts and jeans in various stages of disrepair. Ryan introduced me to Hal and Jeff. Hal sat next to Ryan, Jeff sat next to me. He stank.

Ryan gave a long introduction to both of them, which I won't relate here. He finished with his sales pitch: "...and it would be great if maybe we all went somewhere after this, maybe my house, and had some, you know, fun."

"Fun?" I asked, like an idiot.

"Sex," Hal, who had not yet spoken, said bluntly.

I said, "No. With... who? All of you?"

Ryan said, "We're clean," as if to reassure me, "At least, yeah. Right guys?" he turned back and forth.

Hal and Jeff nodded. Was that hesitation on Hal's part?

I said, directly to Ryan, "Are you serious?"

He said, "I thought you'd be into it. Sex is fun."

Hal and Jeff nodded a bit more emphatically. I stood to slide out from the booth. Jeff, who was next to me, stayed put and drank my water. "Excuse me," I said.

Jeff replied, "There is no excuse for you." His eyes moved up and down my body, and I felt, for a moment, like I was covered with snakes.

I said, "I want to call some girlfriends. They might be interested in coming along. I can barely hear in here, though. That cool?"

Jeff slid out. Ryan stood and asked me, "Want me to come with?"

"Oh, no. I can make the call on my own. Be right back."

I wasn't right back, and thankfully, I never heard from Ryan again.


  1. "Sex is fun" - indeed. OP fail for not comprehending that winning argument.

  2. seriously, this is what too much porn does to (probably quite ordinary) teen boys. you can see the guy thinking 'wow, this girl seems to like me, maybe she'd like sex, and why not with all my mates too cos she's up for it' ...like in the movies.
    the really sad thing is that some girls are starting to think they have to behave that way in order for boys to be interested...
    nothing wrong with a bit of porn btw, but 12-14 yr olds haven't got the perspective to distinguish fantasy from reality, and can develop some weird ideas that persist into later life

  3. I wonder why anyone would think that this would work. Oh no, maybe it has at some point for someone?

    1. Some people take a blunt, low-effort approach. I once heard about a guy who wasn't particularly good looking or charming. He'd go to clubs and if by the end of the night he hadn't found a casual hookup, he'd start going to select ladies and offer them oral sex until one accepted (probably getting some angry rebukes along the way). Apparently he did okay for himself.

    2. The real question is why would not one but three people think this would work...


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