Doc Doc Goose

Story Sent in by Jacob:

Before my date with Kathy, she complained of laptop trouble. I offered to help her fix it, and she brought it with her on the date. We set it up on the dinner table and I cracked it open. It wouldn't even make it past the operating system loading screen at first, but I finally was able to make it in.

How surprising it was, then, when I made it to her desktop and found scores (literally - there had to be over 60) of Microsoft Word document shortcuts, all with titles that were variations on a theme: "JACOB SUCKS.doc" "JACOB SUCKS A FAT ONE.doc" "JACOB IS AN ELEPHANT.doc" "JACOB LOVES SHEEP.doc" "JACOB LIKES KIDS A BIT TOOOO MUCH.doc" "JACOB ON FIRE LOL.doc" and my personal favorite of the ones I was able to see in the short glance I had: "JACOB JACOB FUKC JACOB.doc" (or something very much like that).

"Whoops!" Kathy said, spinning the laptop back to herself, "Um, forget you saw those."

I said, "It's kind of hard to forget 'JACOB SUCKS BALLS.doc.' Something I said?"

She slammed her laptop shut. "Nothing anybody said! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Uh, Kathy–"

"Nope! Don't know. Not a thing. No idea what you're saying. Nope."


She covered her ears with her hands. "La la la la la! I can't hear yooooooou!"

The rest of our very short dinner went back and forth like that. I couldn't make it past the appetizer (indeed, I'm surprised I stuck around long enough for the mozzarella sticks in the first place) and I insisted that we part ways right after they were served.


  1. OP, can you fix my computer? I need my copy of Edward is a sparkly douche.xls


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