Sound the Retreat

Story Sent in by Cristina:

Julia and I spoke online for a while before we met in person, mostly because I had to go on a work-related retreat for nine days, which prevented us from meeting up as soon as I would have liked.

When we did finally meet up for the first time, in a local city park, she was full of questions: How did the retreat go? (Well.) What was emphasized? (Leadership and building trust with consumers - yawn.) How many people went? (50.) Did I think it was a good thing for the 50 of us to go through? (Not really. A half-hour meeting would have imparted the same wisdom.) And so on and so on.

As we walked, she asked me a few more questions about the retreat, then finally asked, "Did anyone bring their significant others?"

"No," I replied, "It was for company employees only, and I don't think that any significant others would've wanted to go. The whole affair was meeting after meeting in a pretty place."

"I probably would've liked it," Julia said, with acid in her tone, "I mean, if I was invited."

I smiled and said, "Believe me, you wouldn't have liked it."

"I wouldn't have gone to any of the meetings. I would've just been there, cozy, walking around. I'd have dinner ready for you at the end of your day of meetings."

"Dinner was provided."

"You should've invited me. We've been talking for long enough."

I said, "We've never met before today. I think it would've been inappropriate for me to take you on an overnight thing, just the two of us, let alone with me and 50 coworkers."

"I would've invited you," she went on, "If it was me, you'd have totally been invited. 'Come with me to a pretty place where you can stroll around all day,' I'd have said."

I replied, "Let's move on. We're in a pretty place right now," I said, referring to the lovely park in which we walked.

"This place?" Julia stopped and looked around. "This place is a trash heap. Like my parents. Any other kernels of wisdom you want to share from your super-secret retreat? God, I can't stand people like you."

Surprised and hurt, I nonetheless replied, "Then why are you still hanging around here? You can go at anytime."

"I will!" she snapped, "I'll go to a pretty, super-secret meeting place of my own! I'll have as many meetings as I want or don't want to have there!"

She pushed past me and strode away, leaving me winded, confused, but ultimately grateful that she unleashed the crazy so soon.


  1. That guy at the end of the street, in that beat-up van, with "FREE CANDY" spray painted on the side of it - I hear he has super-secret meetings in there. You should go check that out.

  2. *Shrugs* I would have said the company was paying for it and wouldn't allow non-employees. Of course, that may not stop the crazy.

    1. Actually, he did tell her it was company employees only.

    2. Ah, guess that part slipped my mind by the time I started typing. In that case, I would have repeated it over and over everytime she complained until it finally sank in.

  3. I enjoyed this story, and actually feel bad for the girl. How screwed up must her life be if she is looking for a guy - any guy - to take her away from it all? Perhaps I'm being a bit too imaginative, but I am picturing her as the product of an extremely dysfuntional upbringing, who is very desperate for a man to sweep her away and give her the love and happiness she always wanted. Poor girl :-(

    1. I just noticed this story was submitted by a female, so I apologize for my presumption of heterosexuality. Either way, my assessment could be true - perhaps she's desperate for a LADY to sweep her away, etc...

    2. you makin me proud, you good little ally, you.

    3. Q: What does a lesbian bring on a second date?

      A: A U-haul.

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. I had an ex who was like this. I was working for AT&T at the time and they sent me to Seattle for a week of training on the company dime. I spent twelve hours a day in a small training room and the rest of my time holed up in my hotel room (the weather was terrible the entire time I was there) and she was pissed off that I didn't take her with me. Hence the ex part.

  6. Hee. this might be an odd thing to say, but I found Julia's brand of crazy kind of cute and almost endearing (as a character in a story, probably not so much in person). Aww she's so butthurt, over so much nothing. Look at 'er righteously stalking away, head held so high. Does it want a cookie? Maybe a cookie would make it feel better.

    It's OK, don't cry. maybe the next person you're talking to under romantic circumstances will be crazy in a complimentary (clingy/controlling?) way and WILL invite you on an inappropriate vacation before ever meeting you. A girl can dream right?


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