Training Day

Story Sent in by Kelton:

Wendy and I had just finished dinner at a restaurant on our second date. She had imbibed two glasses of wine, which apparently were enough to send her overboard. We walked down to the subway together, her arm clumsily clutching at mine as we half-hobbled down the stairs.

Once we made it to the platform, it was clear that the train hadn't been by in a little while. A lot of people were gathered, and I did my best to keep Wendy on her feet as she laughed quietly next to me on the edge of the platform.

Then, without provocation, she took a step away from me and shoved me away, toward the tracks. It was so unexpected, my first instinct was to grab onto her, which I did.

She screamed as I buckled down, trying to stay on my feet. One of my feet was clear off the platform, but I jerked forward and landed mostly on top of her.

She yelled, hit at me, and the people around us gave us a lot of space. Someone asked, "Are you okay?" but I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or to Wendy.

"What the fuck?" she yelled, "You almost killed me!"

I yelled back, "You shoved me off the platform!"

She screamed, "You almost killed me! What the hell were you thinking?"

"You shoved me!" I repeated.

"So what?" she stammered back, "So what about any of this?" She pounded my chest with a closed fist, then went on, "So what about you?"

I moved away from the platform, as it looked like she intended to do more harm. She followed me, tilted her head forward, and breathed heavily through her nose, like a bull about to charge.

I said, "Maybe we should just take a walk or—"

"You take a walk," she said, "I'm getting on this train and going home. Good night, sir!"

"Um, Wendy, I don't think I should leave you—"

"I said, good night, sir."

She shook herself out, walked to the platform, ignored all of the onlookers, and looked down the tracks for the train.

I walked away, but remained close enough to climb into the same subway car that she did when it arrived. It might have been creepy, but I really wanted to make sure that she made it home safely. I followed her far enough behind to see that she did, and then I returned home, myself.

An email arrived from her before I made it home: "I can't believe you didn't walk me home. Asshole/jerk."

Wasn't worth a reply.


  1. You were far nicer than you had any cause to be, you deserve someone who'll appreciate your niceness.

  2. I agree, but I also have to admit that I think the date was entirely worth it just to hear someone actually say:
    "Good night sir," "::interrupting:: I SAID GOOD NIGHT"

    **the quote is technically. "good day sir.. I said good day" Regardless, something about how old timey it sounds always cracks me up

  3. OP, you... followed the girl who tried to murder you home to make sure she didn't get murdered? That's really considerate and I commend your thoughtfulness. I hope you would have also stepped in to intervene in case she tried to murder somebody else on her way, since she must undoubtedly have been a little disappointed that her murder attempt on you went awry.

    1. Wolf, can I call you wolf? Anyway, you have a knack for saying the things that I am thinking, and you always say them better than I ever could. You have a gift!

  4. I dunno, my bullshit detector is so far into the red on this one that it needs a new needle.

    Adult woman being so far gone after two glasses of wine over dinner that she needs help walking? Huh, well, maybe.

    Same woman so drunk that she doesn't know what's going on, but somehow able to paraphrase a perfect rendition of a line from Tootsie? Probably not.

    A whole crowd of folks witness what would qualify at least as felony assault if not attempted murder, and nobody does anything? Nah.

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  6. "A whole crowd of folks witness what would qualify at least as felony assault if not attempted murder, and nobody does anything? Nah."

    Ever hear of the bystander effect? Large crowds of people do jack shit in situations like that all the time. In fact, the likelihood of anybody doing something decreases as the size of the crowd increases. People figure that since nobody else is doing anything, either there mustn't be anything wrong or that somebody else will take care of it.

  7. Well, I don't necessarily mean people will be all "Here I come to save the day!", but this is the cel phone era. Call a cop, capture a video, take a picture, do something.

  8. ^ Well, there isn't any indication that people weren't doing all of the above, but if the guy who was almost pushed onto the tracks wasn't making a big deal out of it, I can't imagine people would try to intervene.

  9. As far as the bystander effect goes, anyone who doesn't know the story, look up Kitty Genovese. 'Nuff said. I'm not saying I totally believe this date story, but it's 100% believable that the crowd at the train wouldn't do anything.


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