Rhymes With "Ditch"

Story Sent in by Martin:

Renee and I were walking together down a sidewalk on our first date when a woman walking a small white dog happened to walking down the same sidewalk in the opposite direction. I like dogs, so I glanced at it as it approached. It was yanking at the leash.

Apparently, the leash was longer than I thought, because as they passed by, the dog ran right in front of me, tripping me up. It was all I could to stop myself from falling while at the same time dancing to avoid stepping on the dog.

"Watch where you're going!" the woman said as she pulled her dog away.

"Leash length laws are laws for a reason," I shot back. She kept going. I turned to Renee, who had apparently been staring at me with wide eyes and open mouth. "What is it?" I asked her.

"You kicked that dog! Are you… are you… what the hell are you?"

I glanced in the dog's direction and said, "She let the dog run right in front of us! It's her fault for not having more control over it. I tried to avoid it, but you saw it just as well as I did. It ran, I tripped."

"No," she said, shaking her head, "No, you freaking kicked it. That's it. Date is over. I'd rather you die than kick a dog, okay?"

She stormed away from me. I hadn't planned on following her or saying anything more, but she whipped back around as if I had.

"And another thing," she said, "If you follow me, I'm going to scream so loud that you'll die. Okay?"

She took a few steps backward. I shrugged. She stopped moving and said, "Or maybe I should follow you home, make sure you don't kick any more animals on your way there."

I said, "I think I agree: the date's over. If you follow me, you'll enter a world of pain far greater than the dog I tripped over. Okay?"

I turned and left her there. She called after me, "Big man, kicking dogs and threatening me. I'm gonna call the cops on you."

I went home, and that was the last that I heard from her. However, a police officer did indeed show up at my house about an hour and a half afterward. I'm not sure how he found out where I lived (my best guess is that when Renee called the cops, she gave them my number and they traced me from there), but he said that he was following up on an abuse complaint. I explained the whole situation, he said it sounded like a misunderstanding, and left me none the worse. I asked him if he was going to follow up with her for filing a false report, and he said, "Probably not."

I really feel for any guy with whom she ends up.


  1. This story sounds a bit unrealistic to me... I'd love to see a retort.

  2. I have met crazy broads that thought hurting a butterfly was criminal. I'm sorry but if you're that sensitive, I hear Tibet is lovely this time of year.

  3. Why'd you kick the dog, Dog Kicker?

  4. I'm with Jessie I want to here her side of the story. It would be interesting to see b/c I just don't buy that she called the cops on him for just tripping over a dog even if he accidentally kicked it. There has to be more to this story... (then again bitch could just be crazy)

  5. I'm going to use that threat from now on.. 'I'm going to scream so loud you'll die!!' Cause its very threatening. Obviously.

  6. Based on the story as it was told, why the hell did the OP start threatening her? Did he feel he was in any kind of danger?

  7. Me thinks the OP doth protest too much.

    Sounds like a serial dog kicker to me, trying to convince himself he's not.

  8. Based on the story as it was told, why the hell did the OP start threatening her? Did he feel he was in any kind of danger?

    Provided the details of the story are true, an obvious psycho threatened to follow him to his house, so...yeah.

  9. Actually, he's the one that comes off imbalanced in this scenario.

  10. I feel this whole story is a lie

  11. "I'd rather you die than kick a dog" Sounds balanced in comparison? "I should follow you home to make sure you don't kick any more animals?"

    I'm not standing up for OP's right to kick animals, and I certainly can't speak for his character outside of this context, but I do find it easier to believe that the woman in question acted this way than that this guy randomly kicks dogs while on a date. (In his own free time, who knows.)

    Of course I could be wrong, but I've seen women behave like this: they're the women who are pathologically insecure, who assert what limited power they have in the form of baffling drama and guilt trips. She said she was leaving, and Martin didn't care: to women like that, that's the worst possible outcome.

    The best possible outcome would be something like, "baby, I swear to god, please, you gotta believe me, grovel grovel grovel, blah blah blah," until she finally deigns to forgive him. Then she's reaffirmed her sense of personal power.

    Since Martin didn't give her that opportunity, she upped the ante by saying "I'll follow you home." Again, I could be wrong, but that doesn't sound like "leave me alone, you evil dog-kicker." It looks like "I didn't get the attention I'd hoped for, but if he leaves I won't get any attention at all. Time for Plan B."

    It may not have been necessary for Martin to have resorted to threats of physical violence, but on the other hand, sometimes that's the only way to get through to some people.

    Anyway, that's my over-analysis, based on having had friends on Martin's side of similar situations. These friends weren't necessarily bastions of innocence, but the women's thinly veiled power-trips weren't hard to identify.

  12. ^ I actually crossed a woman like this recently. She offered to show me her poetry blog, then said she didn't want me to see her, then challenged me to find it, but got pissed when I teased her about it... etc. I feel your analysis is dead-on accurate; it was 100% power-trip, combined with assertions of things I needed forgiveness for.

  13. Sounds like there is more to this story - rebuttal please.

  14. Moral of the story:

    Bitches Be Crazy.

    I believe that the dog incident was an accident and the girl over-reacted to it. I think she was looking for an "out" and this was it - go batshit crazy over a minor incident.


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