"Kind, Sweet, Charming"

Profile Sent in by Lance:

Who I'm looking for:

I'd like someone kind, sweet, charming, and easy to talk to. Are you her? We've all been hurt before. It would be nice to meet a person who has grown as a result of her experiences. Grown in many ways. Which leads to my next question: Are you a big girl or small girl? I bear a mighty lode that can club midgets so I must ask.


  1. Some sort of size chart would be helpful so potential dates know whether to respond.

    You must be this tall not to be clubbed by my might lode.

  2. I did a google image search for "mighty lode" and this is the best thing I came up with:


  3. A note to all men out there:

    Please do not talk about your penises in your profile, first couple emails or send a picture of your penis unless it has been specifically requested by the woman.

    Every woman I've ever talked to about this subject (the number is surprisingly high because men seem obsessed with their own wangs) is completely turned off by this practice.

    If you're a gay male, please disregard this note.


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