Study Habits

Story Sent in by Lydia:

Graham and I took a literature course together in college. He never seemed interested in me, but I always thought him attractive. About three-quarters into the semester, I approached him and asked him if he wanted to study together.

He saw right through me, though. He said, "Is 'study' a euphemism for 'date'?"

I said, "Not necessarily."

He replied, "Because I'd never, ever want to date you."

It was a mean thing to say, especially as he didn't even know me. I ended the conversation as politely and quickly as I could, and thought that any sort of relationship with him was, thankfully, out of the question.

Fast forward a year and I was performing in a college improv group, onstage. There was a part in the performance where I kissed another performer, a friend.

After the show, Graham came up to me. I hadn't spoken to him since our first and last conversation, mind. He said, "I saw you performing. Want to go out? Like right now?"

I laughed. "Thanks for coming, but I'm heading out with some friends."

"I'll join you."

"I'd prefer if you didn't."

He looked incredulous. "Why not?"

"You weren't very nice to me last year when I asked you to study with me."

He said, "I don't remember that. Let's go out, just you and me. Maybe we can kiss, too."

My turn to be incredulous. "What?!"

He said, "Like how you kissed that guy on stage. You guys dating?"

"Uh… no."

"All right, then. So let's go out."

I laughed again, said, "No thanks," then turned and left him there.

He dropped off a three-page letter to my residence, typed in eight-point font, which read like a proof regarding why I should go out with him and kiss him. He missed the biggest point of fact, however, the one regarding my unwillingness to kiss an asshole.


  1. Good for you, Howie!

  2. Only a few and just your pinky? I’m calling bullshit! :)

  3. Pfft. Like Howie's never gone ass-to-mouth.

    Also, Graham is one big bowl of WTF, Bro?

  4. Damn, that onstage kiss must've been HOT.


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