That Does Not Rock

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Story Sent in by Melissa:

I dated Steve for a couple of years, and things didn't work out. We didn't talk for a while, and then slowly, we became friends. Just friends. I was glad to have him back in my life, and from what I could tell, he was glad, too.

I had started dating Jordan, who was a writer and the lead for a local electronica band called Darkwater. One time, Myself, Jordan, Steve, and some other friends went out to dinner and drinks together.

As we all became further inebriated, Jordan took me aside and asked me, "How long have you and Steve been friends?"

"A while. Why?"

"You ever sleep with him?"

I gave Jordan a look and said, "We dated a while back, but we're just friends now."

"So that's a yes," Jordan nodded grimly, "Okay."

I repeated, "He and I are just friends. It didn't work out for a lot of insurmountable reasons."

Jordan wasn't listening. He returned to the table, and I was afraid that he was going to start something, but he behaved well for the rest of the night, and even invited everyone to his concert the following weekend. Most of the people there, Steve included, expressed interest.

I arrived early at the venue to help Jordan set up, and after the doors opened, I saw my friends and Steve among them. We all embraced and soon enough, the venue was packed (Jordan's group was the first act among a few) and the music started.

Jordan put on a good set, then between songs, he took the microphone and said to the crowd, "Where's my girl?" He looked over the standing audience and spotted me. He pointed. "There she is! Everyone say hi to Melissa."

"Hi, Melissa!" the crowd obediently chanted.

He then saw Steve and said, "Oh, and the guy she used to shag is here, too. Everyone say hi to the guy she used to shag."

One or two people said, "Hi, guy she used to shag," but most of the audience quieted down and looked around nervously. As for me, I felt about two inches tall.

Jordan then made a few lewd gestures, then a few more. The MC hopped on stage and said, "Give it up for Darkwater."

There was applause. Jordan said to the MC, "We're not done," but the MC replied, "You kind of are. Pack up."

Jordan stomped offstage and his bandmates followed behind him. I turned to my friends and said, "I think I'm ready to go." They were, too, and so we took off.

Jordan sent me a long, long apology message. Here's an excerpt:


I'm so very sorry for my behavior. As you know, I've had a rough time lately, and the way a guy's mind works is strange sometimes, even for him. I feel so bad for making you and your little shag-rat feel bad. No hard feelings to either of you, and I hope you'll let me say I'm sorry in person. It's just hard to see him and imagine him and you together. Most guys can put that out of their heads but I can't. I want to work through this with you together and then maybe I can find peace. Together you understand. Not alone or apart, but together. We will find strength. I believe in it. And I believe in us.


I replied:

Thanks, Jordan. Apology accepted. I don't think we should be in touch any longer. Be well.


He wrote back:

So it's you and the little shag-rat again? I should've known. You're all the same.

If he continues to go through life behaving like that, then he'll find that yes, most women are the same, at least with regards to him.


  1. I am calling all future ex's "shag-rats" from now on.

  2. This looked like it was shaping up to be an interesting story about the "shag-rat" being the jerk to new boyfriend... Instead it turned out to be a normal jealous new boyfriend. I am disappointed.

  3. ^^yes!

    I wonder how the tidbit about the "shag-rat" came up. Merely because the "shag-rat" mentioned that they dated or because the "shag-rat" too acted like a jerk?

  4. OP, "myself" is a reflexive pronoun. Use accordingly.

  5. I remain unable to sympathize with people who get offended that they are not their partner's first partner. The world does not come into existence only because you are watching it, dude.

    OP is much better off without Jordan.

  6. ^Erwin Schrödinger would disagree.

    1. Fun fact: Erwin Schrödinger was also polyamorous, so he wouldn't have had any problem with that. :)


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