It Is Written

Original Art By Craig Boldman - http://www.craigboldman.com
Story Sent in by May:

Tim wrote me a message over a dating site. He seemed gregarious and fun, and so we decided to meet at a restaurant for our first date.

When we sat down, I noticed a strange, oddly-colored patch on his forehead. It looked as if he had applied too much foundation, but such a thought was ludicrous and I disregarded it.

That was, until he said, "You've been looking at my forehead. I'm glad." He tilted his head toward me with a big smile and went on, "You might be wondering, 'How can this guy's forehead get any more bad ass?' Well, let me show you."

He took his napkin and rubbed away at his forehead. A thick layer of makeup came off to reveal, in red capital letters… his name. Tattooed to his forehead.

"Holy shit, was it ever painful," he said proudly, "Great, right?"

"Um, why?" I asked. The word "psycho" shouted itself louder and louder in my brain.

He said, smugly, "For the same reason that you don't have your name on your own forehead. You think you look better without it, but there's no question that I look better with it. It's bright red. Easier to cover up for business meetings than black."

"But why get it in the first place?"

He grinned and said, "It's the easiest conversation-starter in the world. I'm amazed that more people don't do it. If you're going to get a tattoo and spend the money on it, it has to pay for itself, you know?"

The waiter came by to take our orders. He glanced at Tim's forehead and Tim said, "What do you think of my tattoo?"

"It's cool," the waiter said, "What can I get you for dinner?"

Tim repeated, "It's cool," then said to me, "The waiter thinks it's cool," then said to the waiter, "She doesn't think it's cool."

The waiter said, "I think it's fine, sir. What can I get you?"

Tim stood up and said to me, "Tell you what: I'm going to go up and down the bar, and I'll ask everyone there if they like it. I can tell that you don't, but only because you're probably really shy."

He left the table, to the bewilderment of the waiter. I told the waiter, "Go ahead and put in my order. He'll probably order later."

The waiter did that, and as I watched from across the restaurant, Tim walked down the bar, introducing himself to people sitting there, pointing to his forehead, and occasionally glancing in my direction.

When he returned, he wore a big smile and said, "They loved it. I don't know what your problem is."

I said, "If a random guy came up to me with a forehead tattoo and asked me if I liked it, I'd tell him yes just to get him to go away."

He said, "That's not what they said at the bar. They loved it."

I told him that I had already ordered my dinner, and he said that it was fine. He'd put his own order in. Not long after both of our dishes had arrived, a guy came up to Tim and asked him if he'd mind taking a photo with him.

Tim was all too glad, and he posed with the guy. I could just imagine the caption: "Look at this crazy guy we found at a bar in Tampa. He actually had his name tattooed across his forehead."

When he sat back down, Tim gave me a big smile, and I rolled my eyes. He was nice enough to pay for dinner, and after we parted ways, neither of us ever contacted the other.


  1. So let me get this straight; you guys DON'T have your name tattooed on your foreheads????

  2. I have my name tattooed on backwards, so I can read it in the mirror.

  3. I actually have the Bill of Rights tattooed on my forehead. You need a magnifying glass to read it, though.

  4. Ok, if a guy with his own name tattooed on his forehead decided to go around asking people at a bar what they thought and pointed at me, I would have ordered my dinner to go.

  5. You think it looks bad now? Wait until he wakes up, realizes his stupidity, and decides to have the thing removed.

  6. If he reads this site, he'll probably get the story's illustration tattooed on his neck next.

  7. ...Batshit crazy

  8. @Sean, based on the way he talked about it, I think he's had this one for a while already.

    And if it were new, I'm pretty sure she would have mentioned it.

  9. Maybe it was the result of a drunken, frat-boy dare? He HAD to get his name tattooed on his forehead, and now, to overcompensate for his extreme anxiety about it, he pretends that it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to him. Honestly, it sounds more plausible than someone WILLINGLY getting this done. However, knowing there's at least ONE hipster in the world who had Buddy Holly glasses tattooed to his face makes me wonder if this isn't The New Thing.,

  10. If this actually happened in Tampa, I can completely believe it.

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  12. It helps me maintain my faith in humanity to assume this guy just used a permanent marker to fake the tattoo, in some misguided effort to wow his date. I make a lot of assumptions like this while reading stores on ABCotD...

  13. I'm with Lulu "I would have ordered my dinner to go."

    Hope Jared didn't change his name to protect the innocent, 'cuz he's clearly proud that everybody LOVES it.

    Wonder if he had covered up on his profile pictures...?

  14. Thanks to dudes like these, my cool factor is increased passively, without me doing a damn thing. All I have to do is sit there with my non-tattooed forehead.

  15. Presented without comment:


  16. Holy shit! I thought the story was made up. Who would ever tattoo their name on their forehead?! Then I looked at the website^. I'm at loss.

  17. ^ and ^^
    The 'Aryan Honor' guy rather satisfyingly looks like he got his faced severely stomped :)

  18. ^He got no pity from me either.

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  20. ^ Did you miss the part where OP said neither of them tried to contact the other? In other words, he was not interested in continuing the relationship, either.

    Also, she acknowledged that he was nice to pay for dinner. She is hardly the first woman on this site to stick it out and go through with a date.

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  22. ^ Yeah, on the date she DID give him a legit chance to win her over, so it's not like she was using him. Actually I think Tim was the bitch here because he ws completely deceptive - if he had simply used a genuine picture of himself on the dating site, all the awkwardness could have been avoided and the OP wouldn't have wasted her time.

  23. Mediator, thank you, That list cracked me up. I loved the hello kitty tattoo.

  24. ^It's lists like that that remind us no matter where we are in life, there are people out there who have made far worse decisions.

  25. If I put a tattoo of a butterfly on my forehead, should it be named a brain stamp?


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