I Think I'll Have Cereal, Instead

Email Sent in by April:

My toaster is broken. If you come over and fix it. I will make you coffee. If you let me make you coffee, you'll perhaps let me take you out for a nice dinner. If you let me take you out for one nice dinner, maybe you'll let me take you out for two.

After a few nice dinners, perhaps you'll move in. Then you'll start to tell me where to go and what to wear and who my new friends will be. Then you will "forget" birth control and then you'll tell me to marry you.

If we do all of that, I'll play along until the day I don't. On that day I'll disappear with or without committing certain acts first.

So lets just cut all the crap and have you come over, fix my toaster, and be on your god damn way.



  1. It probably is for the best that she just leave after fixing the toaster.

  2. He should just buy a new toaster. It would cost him a little more than hitting up random women on the internet, but it would save him the cost of a dinner... and more dinners... and cohabitation... and eventual child support. This decision will change the course of his life. Choose wisely, Dorian.

  3. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh God, I laughed until little tears were in my eyes. This is brilliant.

    Jared, I'm surprised you didn't go for the obvious "If you give a mouse a cookie," reference!

  4. Who fixes toasters anyway? You can get a great one for 20 bucks and a cheap one for under 10, and the older it gets the more likely it is to start a random fire someday. They're practically disposable.

    I have an idea: can we set her up with the hot-dog stealer guy in the When Royalty Dates story?

  5. Same here, Nikki! XD If I recall correctly, Jared did make that reference on another story's title!

  6. @Andrew

    Since when is Dorian a moman's name?

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Scott Peterson is out of jail and back on the dating forums? When did THAT happen?


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