Jesus Is Ready to Settle Down

Profile Sent in by Kolleen:

Who I'm looking for

I am seeking a lady who is done with drama and ready for true romance...one who can appreciate what it means to be genuinely WANTED...by a true gentleman with a slow hand and easy touch who will worship her like a queen.

ME: 33... Handsome...Well-groomed...Fit...A natural comedian...A superb listener and trusted counselor to millions...A leader among men...

YOU: Mature: 25-55... Reasonably attractive... Fit... Classy... Professional... Financially secure...

Please include your first name, ALL CAPS, in the subject line so I know you are REAL!!!

(Kolleen says: "His profile was accompanied by a single blurry picture.  I therefore have no clue as to who he is, considering he's a 'trusted counselor to millions.'")


  1. Dude - you want to date the Pointer Sisters. Nut the fuck up and admit it.

  2. I was blurry for most of my childhood & only really started to come into focus in my early teens. It's a phase many go through & grow out of.

    Writing your name in upper case makes sense cause everyone knows only imaginary people write their/there/they're names in lower case duh.

  3. Sounds like you got a message from a Sasquatch with a comb.

  4. Jerry Springer - you are truly a trusted counselor to millions, but you are definitely not 33. Nice try.



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