The Five Year Itch

Email Sent in by John:

(John says: I wrote to Mia on a dating site. She wrote me back once and then never replied to any of my further messages. I guessed that she wasn't interested and I forgot about her. Until she wrote me back, five years later:")

Hi John,

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I got married and divorced! Had two kids. Love them so much!!! Husband (guy I married) turned out to be a total asshole who cared nothing for them and so I'm back to find a good man. What have you been doing with yourself? Are you seeing anyone? Have you ever thought about being a dad? Just curious, perfect revenge against ex!



  1. There's nothing like contacting someone you blew off five years before to see if they still wanna go out, in case you have time to kill and absolutely nothing better to do in the whole wide world.

  2. I totally get it.
    With dating sites, you meet numerous people. If you hit if off with one of them, you may continue to date them and eventually become exclusive. Thus, not able to respond to you.
    Too bad for her she got married and squeezed out a few puppies. She became a whole (hole) lot looser, but her kids can call her Mamma Mia!

  3. "Husband (guy I married)"

    ...just in case he got confused and thought she was referring to a practitioner of animal husbandry, or perhaps deceased astronaut Rick Husband.

  4. ^or one of those pillows with the high back and arms

  5. 5 year itch?

    I would call this post "Greenhouse strategy, how to longterm plan your relationships!"

  6. ^That title came in second place in the Iowa straw poll. Maybe next year?


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