...But My Aim Is Improving

Story Sent in by Paul:

Melissa and I had a nice date.  I took her out to dinner and we had a nice long walk afterward.  It was pleasant, we hugged goodbye, and I looked forward to a second date with her.  After returning home, I went to bed.

At 3:20am, my phone rang, waking me up.  It was Melissa.  I picked it up.

"Hi!" she said, "I miss you!"

I replied, "At three in the morning?"

She said, "I miss you all the time."

"Okay.  I'll call you tomorrow."

We hung up, but she texted me a moment later: "Miss you!"  Thanks.  Go to sleep.

The next morning, at six, my phone rang again.  It was Melissa.  I switched it to silent mode and went back to bed.

When I finally woke up, I saw that I had missed five calls from her.  I decided that I'd call her back after breakfast.  During breakfast, she called, and I finally picked up.

"Hey!" she said, "Did you see that I called?"

"Yes," I replied, "I just woke up."

"I miss you!  Do you miss me?"

"I do, but you don't have to call that often."

"But I miss you.  And you just said you miss me, too.  So where's the problem?  You know, you really should pick up when someone calls."

"My phone was on silent, and calling six times in a short span is pretty… weird."

"Not if two people miss each other.  Like us.  What are you doing today?"

"I'm going to run some errands and see some friends."

"I'll go with you!"

I laughed.  "No."

"No?  Why not?  You miss me.  And I miss you."

"We just had one date.  We need a little time apart before the next one, don't we?"

"That doesn't make sense.  If you really miss me, then–"

"Maybe you're a bit too into me."

She gasped, and made it sound like she was crying.  "I-I… I just really had a great time with you and I thought that you did, too."

"I did.  Six calls in a row is a little much though, isn't it?"

"But I miss you!  Oh God, I miss you."

"Maybe we'll see each other soon."

"Not soon.  Now!"

I stood up from breakfast.  "I'm going to take a shower, so–"

"Don't go!"

"I can't take my phone into the shower."

"Put me on speaker!"

"I'm not going to talk to you while I'm in the shower.  I'll be in touch later, okay?"

She started bawling, and I hung up.  While I was in the shower, she called a dozen times.  All day long, she called, and all into the night.  I ignored each of her calls and messages.  They went around the clock for about three straight days.  I wondered when she slept.  After a few weeks, though, the calls became fewer and fewer until they finally stopped completely.


  1. Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. I'm really surprised she didn't Google your address or something and camp out on your front lawn to see you every morning. Just goes to show, you can never tell which ones are crazy right off the bat.

  2. Ladies, remember: desperation is immensely attractive.

  3. Ladies AND Gentleman, remember:

    The first telltale sign of emotional abuse is getting WAY too attached WAY too quickly.

  4. She's a total psycho, her behaviour is unacceptable and Paul is quite right to break up with her.

    That said, it couldn't have hurt (and might even have helped) if he picked up just once and said he was no longer interested and why. THEN ignore her if she keeps it up.

  5. Ladies and Gentlemen,

    This desperate chick was ripe for the boning!

    I'd set up for doggie style, miss the pink, put it in her stink and tell her that she was right and that I did miss her

  6. ...Howie, I abruptly wonder why I ever bother reading comments.  Thank you for reminding me to stop doing that!

  7. howie..you're a freakin genious! i love it when my "buddy" does that in the exact order..oh how i feel missed by him!!

  8. ^ Thanks for the comps ladies...ya just triggered a bone!


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