Nice to Meat You

Story Submitted by Anne:

Dennis and I were at lunch on a first date when out of the blue he asked, "Have you ever eaten intestines?"

I glanced down at my pasta, then back up at him.  "Not that I recall.  Have you?"

He held up a finger, stood up, and said, "I'll be right back."  He excused himself from the table and left the restaurant.

He called me about 10 minutes later to say that he'd be back shortly.  I asked him where he was, but he wouldn't say.  We hung up and I finished my pasta without him.

He returned not long after with a tied white plastic bag and a big smile.  He sat down and handed it to me.  "Open it," he said.

I did, and inside was... meat.  Wrapped in plastic wrap.

"What's this?" I asked him, the possibility of a second date growing smaller by the second.

"Intestines, like we were discussing," he said, as if this was a commonplace situation for him, then he shouted, "Meat!" at me.

I asked, "I see.  And why did you bring these to me?"

He stared at me for a moment, then yelled, "Meat!" once more, followed up by a slow nodding of the head.

"I see.  Thanks.  Can we get the check?"

We did, and when we made it outside, I handed him the bag and said, "Here, you can have this back."

He looked down at it and frowned at me.  "But... meat," he said.

"Yes, Dennis.  Meat.  Would you mind taking it?  I don't see myself eating it.  Sorry."

He shrugged, said, "More for me," and took it, then bowed low and said, "Nice meeting you," then walked away.  Looking back on it, I still feel as though I walked onto the set of The Twilight Zone.


  1. A Bad Case of the Real Life Trolls.

  2. I pictured this guy shouting "meat" with his arms stuck straight out in front and up from his face, as if in celebration...

    But how often do you get bowed to on a date?

  3. Maybe he read something about how male chimps give meat to lady chimps to proposition them...

  4. Close the site now: we have a winner!

  5. The OP dodged a bullet there. Tripe tastes really

  6. ^ Isn't tripe the lining of a cow's stomach?

  7. Indeed it is, Ashley. Intestines would be chitterlings or "chittlins."

  8. You guys are never this critical of Howie's puns... ;_;

  9. I've tried tripe and intestines before...not something that I would recommend. I find the fact that he went out and bought it for her immediately after she said she never tried it to be funny though.


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