Story Submitted by Marty:
Allison and I were out on our first date, and it wasn't too long before I realized that there was something a little off about her. For starters, she pointed to a handicapped parking sign and said, "You know what that sign means?"
"Handicapped parking only?" I asked.
She shook her head, laughed, and said, "No. It means, 'Fat ass!' See the round part of the sitting person? It means that their ass is so fat that they have to sit there."
I said, "I think that's meant to be a wheelchair wheel."
"Yeah, I know, but it looks like a big, fat ass. A fat ass."
"I guess it does."
She asked, "You ever see someone with an ass that fat?" I hadn't. She went on, "I do. All the time."
There was snow on the ground, and she picked up a mound of it and threw it at me. Despite our prior conversation, I was still willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, and I love a playful girl. So I picked up a handful, balled it up, and threw it at her.
We had us a fine snowball fight in the dusk, and after about 15 minutes, I suggested that we move on to dinner. She picked up another handful of snow, said, "Okay," and threw it at me.
"Okay, truce," I said, wiping the show off of myself.
"No truce!" she yelled, then picked up another handful of snow and chucked at me at close range.
I said, "Good shot. Let's do dinner."
She threw another snowball at me. I asked her to stop. Then, she threw another one. I walked quickly ahead, toward the part of town where I knew a good number of restaurants were situated. I called back to her, "Let's go."
She said, "I'm gonna get you!" and ran after me with two more snowballs.
I kept moving ahead at a steady clip and called back, "I'm done snowball fighting."
She said, "I'm not!" and threw the snowballs at me once more.
I said, "Fine," then picked up a handful and threw it at her. It was a terrific blow, smashing her right in the face. I hadn't counted on my aim to be that good, and she started crying.
I ran over to her to help her clean it out of her face, but she hit me away with both hands and screamed, "Get away from me! That fucking hurt!"
I asked her, "I'm sorry. Can I help?"
"No!" she shrieked.
I threw my hands up and said, "Date's off," and I walked towards town, by myself.
He didn't mean to hit her in the face and he offered to help. At the point where he was already not wanting to spend any more time with her, I can't blame him for taking off after that.
ReplyDeleteRandom-bit-of-nonsense: she kept assaulting him with snowballs, even after he asked her to stop and even after he started walking away from her. He kept asking her to move on to dinner, but she wouldn't. Good for him for smashing that bitch in the face with a luckily-aimed snowball. Maybe she'll think twice before continuing to be a crazy bitch.
ReplyDelete^ This
ReplyDeleteIt's all fun and games until someone get's it in the face. Again, I get the sense of a twelve year old here.
ReplyDeleteYes!! Glad to read a story were the ignorant bitch gets hit in the face.. She seemed immature (talking about 'fatass signs') but when she threw a snowball at him, playfully, it would of been OK. That is if she stopped shortly after. But nooooo the dumbass has to keep acting retarded so she got what she deserved.. A snowball in the face and rejected..
ReplyDelete