Also, No One Has Eye-Cleavage

Story Submitted by Alisha:

All of Donald's profile pictures were of himself in sunglasses.  When he messaged me, I asked him for a photo of himself without sunglasses, and he sent me a photo of himself shirtless, but still wearing sunglasses.

I asked him if he ever took his sunglasses off, and he said, "Not really.  They make me look cool."

I thought that cutting contact with him over so trivial a matter would've been silly and superficial, so we continued to chat online and I didn't bring it up again.

It was his idea for a date: dinner and a movie.  Of course, he showed up with his sunglasses on, and he took me to a diner that was brightly lit.

At the movie, he kept his sunglasses on even when the lights went down.

"You're going to watch the movie with your sunglasses on?" I asked him, "Are you photosensitive?"

"No.  They look cool."

It was after the movie ended when I decided that I had to see his eyes in order for there to be a second date.

"Can you just show them to me?  For a second?" I asked him once we were out of the theater.

He replied, "Can you just show me your tits, then?  In exchange?"

I said, "I think that's a bit different."

He said, "There's no difference."

I said, "Oh yeah?  I'll bet you can't lactate through your eyes."

He said, "No one sees my eyes.  Ever."

I said, "Then you're never going to see my tits."

"Okay," he said, "First and last date, it is."

To this day, I still can't figure out what his deal was.