Breaking News: Fountain of Youth* Discovered

Submitted by Darren:

Michelle was an old high school friend who I hadn't spoken to in over ten years.  She called me out of the blue (I had no idea how she even found my number) to catch up.  She had been married, divorced, and had no children.  She was working as a part-time tutor and part-time administrative assistant at a nearby college.

At the end of our first conversation, which was a long one, she asked if I wanted to meet up.

I was up for it, but it seemed a bit unexpected.  I asked her why she had decided to call me, of all people.  She explained that since being married, she had lost touch with a lot of friends and wanted to reconnect.

I met up with her at a local bar/restaurant.  She looked far better than the yearbook picture I had used to jog my memory about her. 

We talked for a while about the past ten years, what we had both been up to, and so on.  Most of what I said was based on my various jobs, and her end of the talk was about her marriage, her former husband, etc.

As mentioned, she was pretty cute, and I thought it would be a nice thing to say if I told her so.  So I did.

"Thanks," she replied, "That's the one good thing about my ex."

"What's that?" I asked her.

She smiled and looked away.  "You're going to think it's stupid."

She looked great when she smiled.  I asked, "What is it?  Come on.  We're old friends."

She laughed, looked around, leaned in, and whispered, "His semen."

Not at all what I had expected.  Stupid?  Maybe not.  Weird?  Definitely.

I asked her to elaborate.  She said, "It's going to sound strange, but something in his semen, I'm sure of it, kept me looking good.  I've tried it with other guys since, and I've aged dramatically since the divorce."

I asked her, "You don't think it could've been something else?  I don't think that semen's a beauty aid."

She said, "I know it sounds crazy, but my ex and I hooked up a month ago, and I saw a difference again immediately afterward.  It's probably not his semen per se, but something in his diet.  I have no idea.  All I know is that it works."

I asked her, "So what now?  You going to date around while still visiting your ex once a month for your beauty regimen?"

She laughed.  "It's not for the sex with him, believe me.  He was never all that great.  It's just about his semen."

I was sure to keep her at arm's length after that meeting.  I just couldn't really see myself dating someone who had such an unusual... er... ritual.