And She Don't Care

Submitted by Brendan:

Alyssa and I found each other on a dating site. I was just out of a relationship wherein my then-girlfriend had taken things way too seriously (example: I left a container of orange juice out by the sink overnight and she wouldn't speak to me for a week) and was attracted to Alyssa's apparent laid-back attitude. Also, she was an elementary school teacher at my old elementary school, so we already had a lot to talk about.

After dinner, she asked me if I was up for something daring. She said that I had an "honest face," and that she was going to tell me a secret that she hadn't told anybody.

What is it? I wondered. She asked me if I'd drive to the location. She would direct me. It seemed like fun, so I went along with it.

She led me to a patch of forest off of a main road. A dirt way led up to a fenced-in area of train tracks. She climbed the fence and I followed her.

"We flattening pennies?" I asked.

"Something like that," she said, then went on, "I do this to blow off steam. It's a hell of a rush."

She walked up to the train tracks and asked me what time it was. I figured that this was for effect, as she was wearing a watch, herself. I told her the time, and she said, "Just in time."

She sat on the train tracks and extended her hands to me. "Come sit," she said.

"Maybe we could sit someplace safer," I suggested, "Like alongside the tracks. Or behind the fence. Or in Afghanistan. Anywhere else, really."

"It's okay. We're not going to die. You have to trust me."

She explained that the object was to jump off of the tracks at the last possible second.

I didn't think twice. I reached for her arms and went to pull her off of the tracks.

"What are you doing?" she asked, "If you're too chicken-shit to do this, then you're not going to stop me."

I tried to pull her off again, but she struggled and kicked and tore. I practically begged her to come off of the tracks, but she refused.

At one point she said, "It's beyond safe. You just have to know when to jump off."

I asked, "If it's that safe, then how comes it that you develop such a thrill from doing it?"

She said, "Because it's a train hurtling towards you at top speed. Nothing beats the rush."

The train came. I kept repeating to her that I wanted her to come off of the tracks, but she ignored me. The train closed in. I prepared to lunge for her, to grab her, pull her off, and hopefully not die myself in the process.

She jumped off on her own, on the other side of the tracks, about ten seconds before the train would've hit her.

After it zipped past, she walked over to me and said, "You missed out. That was awesome."

What was even more awesome was driving her home and never going on another date with her.


  1. I don't think it's too unusual for most elementary school teachers to blow off steam in this way.

  2. Pfffft - ten FULL seconds before the train would've hit her? That's not even suspenseful. Unless she was on a high bridge above a river, you do come off kinda chickenshit, OP. I'll say this for you, tho: I wouldn't spring this on a first date, and your 'honest' face has no bearing on her dopamine addiction.

  3. That actually sounds like fun, then again I do have suicidal tendencies.

    And leaving containers of juice overnight is a rough indication of bad parenting and a penchant for whores.

  4. That makes me feel bad for the train driver... talk about stressfull, thinking you might hit some crazy girl. That chick is seriously inconsiderate and selfish.

  5. Can we make "You sure did dodge a train, OP!" a new thing? It'd vary up the memes a bit.

    And Jared, all the elementary school teachers I know blow off steam by chain smoking cigarettes just off school grounds and grinding the butts into their arms.

  6. Olde-fashioned train dodge. Too cool.

  7. I had a friend a few years ago that as standing too close to a train as it went past and got sucked in. He left the hospital 5 months later minus a full arm and a full leg. Her little stunt might be more dangerous than she thinks.

  8. 12:35PM

    Mythbusters proved that a train barely has enough speed to generate wind strong enough to push a stroller...let alone suck in a person. That must've been some fast train your friend was too close to.

  9. The OP missed a trick after the lass just jumped clear of the train. She was high; he could have got away with so much more by suggesting they take the hit one step further...Then again, why bother with small talk? It was dark right? so nailing a body 'sans bras et jambe' would have looked no different.

  10. 12:35 here.
    I wasn't there when it happened. Went to see him in the hospital and they weren't letting anyone in. His family told me what happened and I heard from a friend who worked at the hospital (on a different floor). When he was released, he moved in with some relatives out of state and I never saw him again. We weren't close, but it was heartbreaking what happened to him.

  11. Howie Feltersnatch9/10/2010 2:48 PM

    Hey..it CAN happen...because I also had a friend who was standing too close to a train as it went by...He lost his left arm and left leg. He's all right now.

  12. ^ if by "all right" you mean "has trouble leading a normal life," then yes.

  13. ^All RIGHT as in he lost his left arm and left leg & only has his right arm and right leg.. it's a joke.

  14. ^^ is that like licking tequila off of somebody's cornhole?

  15. Mia Ballzaike9/10/2010 4:19 PM

    ...apparently a little kid in Kansas swallowed a U.S. hundred dollar bill...not sure how he's doing, but last I heard there is no change

  16. I once new a guy who tried that same trick. lost his left arm and leg, hes "all right" now though hahaha.

    Actually hes dead...

  17. This was different but still a good read

  18. You can get killed by standing too close to a train. I live in a small rural town. One of the locals is missing both legs. He loves to tell the story about how he got drunk once in the 1980s and decided to stand close to a moving train. I don't know if he slipped or if he was sucked in, but that train definitely did some damage to him.

  19. Some hot guy I met on a bike path in Vermont gave me a blowjob while standing next to a train. He was going pretty fast, but I guess you could say I got sucked in.


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