6/17/2010

Spontaneous. Adventurous. Dishonest.

Submitted by Brent:

Tia's online profile specifically mentioned the words, "adventurous," "spontaneous," and "fun-loving."  Taking these at face value, I attempted an appeal to these stated qualities on our first date.

I picked her up early for dinner and asked her if she liked playgrounds.  There was one with awesome swings at a park near me that no one ever visited.  I like swings.  True, they're not as adventurous as a first date spent rappelling down Aconcagua, but they're a close second, and I thought that she'd be all over that.

"Uh... no," she said, "Are you serious?  Swings?"

I was very serious, and I informed her of how serious I was by swinging (ha!) by the park.  It was on the way to the cafe.

"Look at those swings!" I told her, "They're so swingy!"

She gave me a great look, then said, "Yeah, so... dinner?"

I paid for dinner, and she didn't thank me.  However, I figured that she could repay me by regaling me with tales of her spontaneity and adventurousness.

I asked her, "So, how are you spontaneous?"

She shrugged.  "I don't know.  I just like going out and seeing where things take me."

"Except to playgrounds."

"What?"

"Nevermind.  Where has spontaneity taken you recently?"

She ran a hand through her impeccable hair and said, "I went to three parties last weekend."

"And?"

She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow.  "That's not spontaneous enough for you?"

I said, "That's average spontaneity.  In college, I would hit close to ten parties in a weekend, and those were the ones I'd remember.  Not that this is a competition or anything, but when I say 'spontaneity,' I mean something like, 'driving for three hours for great homemade ice cream,' or 'trying to sneak into the Pentagon,' or, 'going to a playground and swinging on the totally awesome swing set.'"

She asked, "You tried to sneak into the Pentagon?"

"On a fifth-grade field trip.  I made it to the Lincoln Memorial before my teacher caught up with me.  She was really fast for a 300-pounder."

Tia frowned.  "I see.  I'll try to fit in another few parties to impress you.  I think that most people find me spontaneous enough."

I said, "Don't misunderstand.  I'm not upset that you consider average human social action to be fun.  I'm just curious that you consider it to be 'spontaneous' or 'adventurous.'"

"I'm plenty adventurous.  Some girlfriends and I went on a trip to San Francisco last summer."

"Where'd you camp?"

"The Hilton San Francisco."

"Oh.  So when you wrote, 'spontaneous' and 'adventurous' on your profile, those were just cubes of sugary lie-powder, compacted and processed to entice guys to you under false pretenses?"

She stared blankly.  Had I crossed a line?  I knew how to fix it.  I suggested, "How about this: we go to the playground, and then we can go to a party afterward.  We can both be spontaneous and adventurous together."

She opened her mouth as if to say, "What a great idea, Brent!" but she obviously thought better of it, because she said, "I don't think that this is going to work out."

"Two parties?"

"I don't think so."

"Too spontaneous?"

She shook her head.  We said good night.  She probably had lots of spontaneous things to go and do, like brush her teeth and watch Reality TV.  I called up my friend Josie, who was totally game to hit the playground.  Then we went stargazing and were chased off of an angry farmer's field.

52 comments:

  1. Why the hell do I even bother visiting this site anymore?

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  2. I think somebody stole parts of the Leafy story.

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  3. Girl was spewing low-level spontaneity clichés and OP was using high-level, my-spontaneity-is-better-than-yours clichés. But IMO, trying really hard and go out of your way to be spontaneous and adventurous negates the whole thing. You're just working really hard on contriving something that you think you need to be considered your "true self".

    Sigh.

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  4. where are you? and when can we meet?

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  5. Why is it that so many idiots think that being spontaneous means behaving like a six-year-old?

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  6. She sounds like a total douchbagette trying to get a free dinner. I hope you didn't take her anywhere nice.

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  7. I think your date could write a better version of the evening for this site. You come across as psychotic.

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  8. You both sound like people I wouldn't like.

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  9. OP sounds like a childish, pretentious, douche. And a tool. "I'm more free spirited than you! Nah nah nah!"

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  10. @ 10:08 AM: THANK YOU. Oh my gosh. Not the same thing at all!!!

    Not that I think that the girl was "spontaneous" either. Can you even be "spontaneous" if you have to first declare yourself as such? It sounds like OP was in a middle-school pissing contest rather than on a date.

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  11. "Anonymous said...

    Why is it that so many idiots think that being spontaneous means behaving like a six-year-old?
    June 17, 2010 10:08 AM "
    Hear hear! I think I would have spontaneously set the OP on fire...

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  12. @9:04 said:

    "Why the hell do I even bother visiting this site anymore?"

    Yup. My thoughts EXACTLY. Awful, awful people submitting stories lately. This guy is one of the worst. So unfunny and lame and an obvious douche.

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  13. It's obvious the OP is completely in love with himself and thinks he's awesome and hilarious.... Wrong on both counts. Looks like she dodged a really lame bullet here.

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  14. I hate it when people put "fun-loving" in their profile.

    OMG You love FUN?!! ME TOOOO!!!!

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  15. How much of this was written to talk about yourself as opposed to a bad date?

    Just couldn't let go of the fact that she didn't want to swing that you couldn't try to somehow get past it to move on to something else?
    Ah - my bad. here it is. Right here, in the dictionary.

    Spontaneous [spawn-tay-nee-us] adj: Swinging on a swingset on a playground. NO FUCKING EXCEPTIONS.

    I stand corrected.

    Online profiles are akin to resumes. Just a bunch of words that people like to hear. "Multi-tasking, fun-loving, spontaneous, team worker".

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  16. worse story ive ever read - the dates are supposed to be bad because you met a mental case, not written by a mental case!

    Swings! OMG what a dick

    And you tried to organise spontinuity, thats not how thats supposed to happen

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  17. I want 5 minutes of the OP's life to replace the ones he took from me.

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  18. The OP equates being spontaneous with acting like a small child. I don't know anyone over the age of 15 who would want to go to a playground on a date...there are many ways to be spontaneous and just because she didn't want to be the creepy too old person at the playground doesn't mean she isn't adventurous, it just means she isn't an immature loser douche nozzle.

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  19. The playground I take my kid to is run by the city and they enforce a strict ban keeping anyone without a child from visiting the playground. No exceptions. I used to think this was to help keep child predators away. Now I realize it is to keep weirdo Peter Pan wannabees off the swings.

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  20. I don't think you can count some stupid thing you did as a fifth-grader "spontaneous." It's called "impulsive" and all children are.

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  21. Planning to take your date to a playground to prove how spontaneous you are is not spontaneous.

    And if she didn't want to do it, that makes her less spontaneous? You ruined this date because you couldn't let it go.

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  22. Haha, Brent you're a tool.

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  23. Wow, sounds like a horrible date... for both of them! OP is trying waaaaaay to hard and has an odd definition of spontaneity. It's also spontaneous to jump off a bridge, but not wanting to jump off a bridge at the suggestion of someone else doesn't count as a total lack of spontaneity.

    I would love a date where we went and played on the swings... if we happened to be walking by a playground and were having such a great time that it came about organically. You can't force being spontaneous. You can, however, force being a complete tool.

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  24. Without reading the rest of the date or the (probably insipid) comments, I'm just going to ask one question:

    Why do so many guys who submit bad date stories on this site think that taking a girl to a playground on a first date is "spontaneous, adventurous, and/or fun-loving?" Not really judging...just really curious.

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  25. *facepalm* Christ, I never should have finished reading this date. Now the trolls are consistently taking over the date portions of the site too.

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  26. Yay! I love it! I have never read a "Bad Date" from the point of view of the "Bad Dater." Interesting perspective. It's unusual to see manic behavior from the other side.

    Suggestion to the original poster: Bipolar disorder can often be helped with prescription medication as well as talk therapy. Look into it.

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  27. nomatophobia said...

    "How much of this was written to talk about yourself as opposed to a bad date?"

    Exactly what I was thinking!!!

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  28. It is SO so funny that he puts something he did on an elementary-school field-trip into his resume of "adventurous" behavior.

    I'm going to put "genius" on my dating profile. How do I know? Because I learned to read WAAAY earlier than the other kids in my class.

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  29. Is Nikki the only one who gets this, as bad as it is?

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  30. Holy crap, you are such a fucking tool.

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  31. When a guy has absolutely no clue how to form a relationship with a woman, he gets frustrated and starts to see things like dating profiles and off-the-cuff remarks almost like legally binding contracts.

    In his mind, if a girl says she's spontaneous, that must mean she'll either go along with whatever he defines as "spontaneous" or she's lying, and it's her fault the date didn't go well because she broke the contract.

    When a girl says she's spontaneous in a dating profile, it means she can think of at least one time she did something that sounded fun without a lot of forethought. It doesn't mean she'll do any idiotic thing you ask her to just because you spent a lot of time thinking up something to do on the spur of the moment.

    All you had to do was be yourself, and ask her questions. You might not have ended up marrying her, but I guarantee you the date would have gone better.

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  32. Okay first off I love this site so to the dude who runs it? you rock.

    Secondly ... Well a lot of people on here have already said what I'm thinking!!! OP sounds like a child. Once she said no, let it go!!

    You are one creepy bastard.

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  33. Wow, this is the first BCotDs post I've read written from the perspective of the insane crazy person on the date, rather than from the perspective of the normal one. It's either brilliant or very, very sad.

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  34. Yeah OK, the playground idea is a non-starter. But the chick thinks "spontaneous" is going to three different parties on Saturday. It's like nomatophobia says above, people just throw buzzwords like that into their profile, and then go way over the top trying to prove it, or show that they just put the word in there so people would think they were interesting.

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  35. she sounds like a boring liar and the OP sounds like a complete idiot.

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  36. for fuck sake. why.

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  37. Seven-thirty6/18/2010 4:36 AM

    Planned spontaniety can be part of seduction while genuine spontaniety is part of romance.

    In Notting Hill the lively woman gets the guy to climb into a private park where they can make out with hearts still beating from exertion.

    Our OP sees the swings as a-get-physical opportunity. If the woman is wearing a skirt or dress it is a pretty forward move. Hanging out at the playground to make out is a teen scene.

    In short the swing idea is cool if you just happen to be passing it after good conversation at dinner or on the way home from the party. The OP is still trying to figure out this stuff.


    If he is 19, this is not so bad. If he is 32, then he is not a fast learner.

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  38. Seven-thirty6/18/2010 4:39 AM

    ... wait a minute, doesn't being into parties mean using drugs heavily?

    Maybe swinging on swings has a coded meaning?

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  39. Note to all men: it is not acceptable to take any date to a playground unless you're a pedophile. And if you're a pedo, just do us all a favor and go drown yourself in a river. Thanks.

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  40. 4:45 - Apparently, you and I are the only ones who get it.

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  41. Dude, are you fucking retarded?

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  42. ^ Don't say "retarded," it's offensive.

    Use "retardedly abled" or "differently tarded." Much more PC.

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  43. Dude, way to be an asshole. Is heckling how you charm all the ladies, or was this girl just special?

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  44. I think this is the same guy who wanted his date to go jump in leaves with him. She was a princess too, must be his type. Come on, swing on the damn swings and have a laugh for a minute. Sheesh.

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  45. The comments were better than the actual story.

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  46. i agree with 1:45. the story was dumb, i hate when people try to pretend to be someone they are not to impress people. but the comments made me pee my pants--but only a little ha ha

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  47. She should be the one posting, not OP!

    Being spontaneous does not mean running from party to party all weekend (unless that's what you happen to feel like at the time). Just because she doesn't like doing the same things as you, that doesn't make her spontaneous. Also, camping or using swings doesn't necessarily make you spontaneous or adventurous.

    Sitting on swings and talking can be really romantic but, it's not something most people over the age of about 8 plan as a normal activity.

    Maybe she didn't like up to her profile but, there's no need to spend the whole date making her feel bad about it.

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  48. I love when the psycho writes the story. Especially when he manages to convey his more spontaneous than thou superiority so well.

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  49. "Oh. So when you wrote, 'spontaneous' and 'adventurous' on your profile, those were just cubes of sugary lie-powder, compacted and processed to entice guys to you under false pretenses?"

    I couldn't stop laughing at this. OP is trying far too hard.

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  50. Brent sounds way worse than this chick. She just sounds normal, kind of boring, while he clearly embellished everything he said to make himself seem witty, while in reality, he probably just sat there spewing out lame insults at this poor girl. Why waste your time and hers? Buddy, get a life.

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  51. I live in San Francisco, and I can say on good authority that there are no campgrounds within city limits.

    Maybe this has something to do with all the buildings needed to house close to a million people in the space of seven square miles? It's not exactly a wilderness area.

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  52. 'close to ten parties a weekend,' 'those were just cubes of sugary lie-powder, compacted and processed to entice guys to you under false pretenses,'
    The girl had exaggerated on her profile, but OP was definitely the problem.

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