5/14/2010

Wingman Superstar

Submitted by Jeff:

My friend and I went out to a bar one weekend and, as per usual, we were on the prowl for the ladies... or truth be told, an easy, fun time would do just fine, thank you very much.  I'm not much of a player, but my friend is pretty good at it, so it didn't take long for us to meet two eager beavers.

The problem was, he looked at me and whispered, "I don't like looks of yours... but hey, she's big chested!" He knew my soft spot... big boobs... but she had a face that looked like it was on fire once and put out with a pitchfork.  Needless to say, I was going to play wingman to him and chat up the fugly one, Marissa. Ahhh... the things we do for friends!

At first it was all four of us chatting, laughing and getting along with many, many drinks. As the night progressed, my friend would be up on the dance floor with his babe... and me, I was stuck at the table with "Babe, pig in the city." Don't get me wrong, and ladies, call me shallow if you want to, she was quite funny and nice enough but just not a looker... at all. I wondered if I could "drink" her pretty... but didn't think there was enough Absinthe in the world for that. So, needless to say, the alcohol consumption on my part certainly never stopped.

At closing time, they invited us back to their place because the two of them were roommates. My friend really wanted to go and doubted it would happen if I didn't go back with her friend. Well, I was drunk, had a bit of money left in my pocket, and hell, what are friends for?  Besides, I don't know if it was the lighting or the booze, but Marissa was starting to look better to me! Okay. I do know the answer to that one. Booze.

When we got back to their place, my friend and his gal pretty much made a sprint to the bedroom and Marissa and I continued to talk and laugh and get along pretty well... and drink. We had not kissed or anything although she sat pretty close. When it came to the point of where I was about to crash, she said that I was able to have her room and she left.

Fully clothed, I fell across her bed. She came back about 10 minutes later in nothing but a long t-shirt and laid down beside me, leg and arm over mine. Without getting into the gory details, let's just say I "gave 'er."

When I woke up, it was early morning and just getting light outside. My head was pounding, and my mouth tasted like something crawled in it and dumped a big one. I certainly did not want to face the day with Marissa and decided I'd opt for a quiet escape. Fuck my friend... he was now on his own because I went above and beyond my wingman duty!

As I was putting on my pants, I looked over at my snoring "sleeping beauty" and saw that she had a bunch of change stuck to her naked ass and  lower back! It had to have fallen out of my pants when we started making out! Being Canadian, we have $1 and $2 coins and after checking my pants pocket, that  change was all I had to get me a cab home! I really didn't remember what neighbourhood I was in at this point, so my only option was to pick away at the change that was stuck to her.

Luckily, she never woke up and I got out of them and home and never saw her again!

36 comments:

  1. Wow, it does sound like she had a really, really bad date with a real douchebag. I wonder why she didn't post about it?

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  2. Someone's fishing for admiration.

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  3. Haha, I enjoyed reading this. A little change-up from what is mostly posted here.

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  4. Pig. Either she's not that ugly or she's a burn victim. Either way, you are an ass. If you don't like her, don't DO her. Sounds like she had a terrible date and you got laid.

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  5. 10:35 - Sounds like they both got drunk and had a one-night stand. People know how those work. If she hadn't wanted to have sex with a random dude she wouldn't have gotten drunk and let him into her bedroom.

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  6. Hilaaaaaarious! Loved it. Never mind these "internet dating" stories.

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  7. OP, you are an idiot.

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  8. I am now ashamed of being Canadian.

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  9. Seven-thirty5/15/2010 4:45 AM

    This story was OK by me. It had more than one dimension, which is not true of all the submissions.

    After having sex, guys do have an instinct to run away. Even when you're young and fairly inexperienced, you know that a girls expect sex to led to some sort of relationship. Looks can be deal killer. From the sounds of it she had acne scars.

    On the surface OP was cruel towards Marissa back then and even today in recounting the experience. But between the lines the OP does is expressing a sort tenderness towards the rejected girl and the youth he once was.

    Hope we get more first date pitty fuck stories.

    When a guy (or girl) sinks into the lips and body of a girl he doesn't really want what goes on in the head?

    One thing the OP conveniently left out is how the sex went. Too much alcohol can cause beer dick. He may have had trouble and did not want to recall that part of it.

    Incidently this story is quite like something the fratire blogger Tucker Max wrote about Miss Vermont (Katy Johnson).

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  10. "Pitty (sic) fuck"? Seven-thirty, you are SO full of it. Jeff screwed an unattractive girl out of sheer desperation because he is such a loser he can't attract girls on his own; he has to take his friend's rejects. Then in a pitiful attempt to regain his self-respect, he insults the girl repeatedly and acts like he's helping his friend out. I'm not buying it.

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  11. Seven-thirty5/15/2010 3:48 PM

    Sorry, 11:42, if you screw a girl with bad acne scars it's called a pitty fuck.

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  12. I'm with 11:42. The OP is not a player, but sure is a pathetic dick.

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  13. I'm sorry, but this type of sex goes on thousands upon thousands of times a night in any country, state, province and bar. He did what he had to do.

    Like it or not, he was not a player....but he played the game! that is IT. Most (honest) guys would agree that they have been in the same situation....And Weeder, you pot smoking homo....'that' is what makes you ashamed to be Canadian? Of all the things wrong in that country, that story was it? You must lead a very pathetic & sheltered life! Wow. Or you are a drama queen.

    I don't think the comparison was about either acne or burn scars..i've heard that expression used to describe an ugly girl...But too funny having to pull coins off her person to get home ! I loved it!

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  14. Seven-thirty5/16/2010 3:51 AM

    The OP more or less admitted that the girl was a nice person. She managed, undoubtedly emboldened by alcohol, to make good conversation, which is part of any successful seduction.

    The OP also admitted he was no player, so accusing him of bragging about being a player is unfair. A jerk? Clearly he also sees this himself already.

    As to guys being honest about having slept with ugly girls because it was all there was on offer. Well, it's true. And it true that some you never want to see again. But that could have a multitude of reasons.

    Is it possible that more than one guy has unwillingly found in himself a relationship with a less than perfect looking girl because she knew how to communicate and had personality?

    There may also have been guys in relationships with good looking psycho bitches who wish they had stuck with a less than stunning girl who was reasonable person.

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  15. Attempt at comedy fail.

    She had big boobs - Yay!
    We got drunk and had fun - Yay!
    She seemed nice and we had a good conversation - Yay!
    I got laid - Yay!
    She was ugly - BAWWWWWWWW!!!

    Poor baby. My heart bleeds for you.

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  16. OP does illustrate something we all know to be true. A male will screw anyone or anything that lets him. You always hear "oh, she's such a pig, I would never do her" and it's always a lie; all anyone female, no matter how ugly or fat (so there, Gulliver) ever has to do to get laid is crook her finger and you all trip over each other to get to her.

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  17. That's what happens when nature doesn't give you a brain.

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  18. Anyone truely upset by this story is just angry because they know they have played the role of Marissa. Dont think for a second that ugly female friends don't use their hot female friends to get sex the same way the guys play wingman.

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  19. That might be true, Lebowski, if it weren't for the fact that if a woman just wanted to get laid she could, all by her lonesome. Any woman complaining of not getting laid is mentally saying "No" to at least one person she knows, even before we get into bar hookups. I mean, look at me. When I say there's a party in my pussy that's because the stereo is blasting and the firemarshall had to cite me for having more than 375 people in my vagina at once.

    That said, I think the outrage is silly. Marissa hits on a guy in a bar and has sex with him. I doubt she was expecting more than what occurred. OP is here to brag and not really complain.

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  20. Bingo Lebowski!
    You anonymous haters are either feeling insecure because you have been in her situation (probably more than once) at points in your life and you take it out on the OP for playing the game.
    A male will screw anything? While not necessarily true, this is news to you? Uh..duh..they need women to do this to...so why not hate teh girl for giving it up so easily?
    Don't think that she was falling in love with him either...it was probably a game to her as well. Maybe she just wanted to have a good time too? Ever think of that? Perhaps some of you should get off your computer and out into the real world.

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  21. This was not a date. I'm sure there's a "funny one-night-stand stories" website out there somewhere that stuff like this can be posted to instead of here.

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  22. All the "this IS a date / this is NOT a date" sticklers are annoying. We're living in a society where people "meet" on the Internet, talk to each other for months (some of them), then finally physically meet after knowing each other better than most people do on "proper" first dates. I really don't think we should be so sticky about definitions here and just focus on interesting stories that give us plenty to rant and rail about.

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  23. Here here, Nikki! The whole Fake/Not Date thing is beyond tedious. I am mainly here to read copy to fill my hours and feel better about my life. This site exceeds my humble needs. If it's not working for you, go find either a conspiracy site or go to eHow to learn how to remove the telephone pole from your rectum.

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  24. Canadian. Bingo! Guessed that before you mentioned it. Ice cream for me.

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  25. "Babe Pig In The City"? This guy is a tool

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  26. Sounds like Marissa had the bad date. A shallow insecure idiot who wasn't man enough to tell a woman that he rather not sleep with her. He actually wants to be congratulated on giving Marissa a mercy f*ck. What a loser!

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  27. anon 12:00
    Don't be a hater because it's happened to you. Fat whore.

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  28. Agreed, anon 12:00, that the OP is the tool in this story, although I can't help but think about the "beer dick" this guy was probably suffering from and the fact that the date probably had to give herself an orgasm just to make it worthwhile. I think the OP is the one who got the real pity fuck, not the date.

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  29. While not technically a date, it was nonetheless an amusing story, made all the more amusing by the crazy judgmental, prejudiced, insecure comments from those who jump to conclusions over strangers they'll never meet. Let me repeat that last part: people are being judgmental, crazy and idiotic about strangers on the internet. Think about how stupid that is for a while, then go away and don't post here again.

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  30. This poster is an hero.

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  31. 1:22 - You have totally missed the point of this blog. The "dates" are only a flimsy excuse for us all to be "judgmental, crazy, and idiotic" about *anything*. Your comment adds nothing to the thread, so I'm afraid that *you're* the one who is banned from posting ever again. Thank you for your time.

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  32. I have concluded all the people who posted negative comments on Jeff are either 1)gay, or 2)idealistic women.

    Get real, one night stand happens.

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  33. And yet Jeff is still a pathetic dickbag and so are you Mr 6-2-10.

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  34. Ahhhh you girls do it to yourself, Dont hate the player hate the game.. I'm a female and i can proudly say i've NEVER had a one night stand but know alot of females who have and i get the feeling some of the haters in the comments are said girls.. Even though i don't think this story is news worthy, millions of guys 'take one for the team' and have a one nighter.. the only funny part was the coins getting stuck on her flubby butt.

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  35. Wow, he seems like a real prize. (((rolls eyes)))

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