What a Day

Submitted by Gwen:

Oliver was literally the boy next door.  He and I grew up together, played together, and were neighbors.  When we were about to enter junior high, he and his family moved away, and we kept in touch for a little bit, but, as life happens, we fell out of touch.

Fifteen years later, he called me up.  I didn't even know how he found my number, but I didn't care.  I was so thrilled that he was back in touch.  We Facebooked and I was amazed to see how he had grown up.  And the best part of all?  He was moving back to our hometown!  There was a little part of me that screamed, "You can pick up right where you left off!" although I knew that he probably wouldn't be too into freeze tag any longer.

He picked me up at my house, and gave me the biggest hug ever.  It was as if no time had passed at all.  It was such a happy moment.  Our plans were to go to a sit-down cafe and catch up for a while.

He opened the passenger side door of his car and motioned for me to enter.  I smiled and stepped inside.  He walked around to the other side of the car, and an oncoming white coupe that was traveling too fast and too close to our side of the road smashed right into him.

The coupe slowed down, long enough for me to see the license plate, but then sped away.  I jumped out of the car and called 911.  His leg was bent so much that I couldn't imagine that he'd ever walk again.  He was unresponsive.  It had instantly switched from the very best day to the very worst day of my life.

The ambulance came and took him away.  The police took down the license plate of the hit-and-run motorist.  No one else was at his apartment, but I took out his cell phone and called his parents to let them know.

I followed the ambulance in my car, waited for over an hour in the hospital waiting room, and a doctor came out to tell me that he was awake and going to be fine.  He was asking for me, although they said that I'd have to wait a little while before being allowed in.  I called his parents to let them know.

When he was moved to a room, I went in to see him.  He gave me the warmest smile and jokingly proposed to me.

His parents flew in.  He was let out after a few days, and he recovered.

We're still together.


  1. Jesus Christ!

    Now that's what I call a bad date!

  2. Wow, your dad is super protective.

  3. Anyone seen Gulliver?

  4. The car driving down the road probably wasn't paying attention to what lane they were in. The driver and his passenger were looking over, seeing a giant walrus being let into the passenger side of a car. They were both looking with the biggest smile on their face, when the driver yells "daaaaayumm!" Suddenly, they felt a bump under their front passenger-side tire. Almost like a speed bump, but skinnier. After about half a second, they felt another bump in the back of their car, as their back tires screeched over your date's live body. The driver slammed on the brakes, looking back at the monstrosity that was sitting in your date's car, sucking the filling out of a Krispy Kream. That's when it happened. This beast, now resembling the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man, exits the car and starts bumbling toward the victim, lying in the street. Rather than stop to help, the driver and his passenger, fearing for their lives, decided "it's too late for that guy, get outa here before this wildebeest consumes you!" and floored the accelerator, barely escaping with their lives. You know, cause you're fat. Fat bitch!

  5. Hahaha, Gulliver, that story is so great I want to feed you a baconnaise covered Turduken from between those meatsacks I call boobies.

  6. Aah. There he is.

  7. Fizziks = Win X 2

    Gulliver = Awesome story

  8. I think that Gulliver is extremely asinine. To say that about someone who could has lost their life is horrible. He is blessed to be alive. M

  9. That's what happens when you date a near-sighted guy.

  10. Ha ha - he really dodged a bulle...hm. I guess he really didn't dodge anything.

    Too soon?

    Congrats to you and Accident Mcnotdodgey guy.

  11. I'm more interested in knowing whether the police caught the hit-and-run driver?

  12. The win on this thread actually goes to nomatophobia.

    And I'm with Coriolanus...did they catch the asshole who ran over your date?!

    PS: I'm a TOTAL sucker for stories like this. I'm glad you're both still together and that your guy recovered!

  13. Hahaha, Noma rocks!

  14. For Fizziks: http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/post/568492489/the-sweaty-cowboy-fried-spam-peanut-butter

    This reminded me of you. <3

  15. @ Nikki: That looks like something I already ate and excreted, except smaller.

    @Nom, that was stellar! I am a sucker for Namey McNamersons. And potato chip casseroles.

  16. Ahh ok, now I know what I've been doing wrong all these years with my dates! I didn't get hit by a car even once. Now I know how to win over my next date. Score!

  17. Wow, that really was quite......a.....stor...ey.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  18. nomatophobia wins.

  19. Wow. That story had me on the edge of my seat. I'm glad it worked out well and hope you are happy together.


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