Holy Moly!

Submitted by C.W.:

While in high school, I met a guy through some mutual friends at a party. He was a few years older than I, and had already graduated. He seemed sweet and well-mannered.  By the end of the evening he ended up asking me for my number. I obliged, and for the next week or so we exchanged calls and texts.

About two weeks after getting to know one another a little better, he asked me out to dinner and I went. The dinner date went wonderfully, so the next week when he asked me out to a movie, I was eager for Friday evening to come.

After the movie, we went back to his car and started fooling around a bit in the parking lot. Before I knew it, his hands were in my pants. At first I was reluctant but shortly after I just decided to go with the flow.

That is, until his finger ended up in the wrong hole! The first time it happened I summed it up to an accident, and tried to brush it off. Then the second time, I pulled away and said “Hey, wrong hole!”

He didn’t seem at all phased by this and did it a third and fourth time! (I understand that this may be acceptable to some, but I think at the very least this should be discussed before it’s attempted. Personally, I was horrified.) Before I could express my disapproval more sternly, there was a knock at the foggy window. Yep, you guessed it – a cop.

Still struggling to get my pants up, my date proceeded to roll down the window and say “Can I help you, bro?”

As if I wasn't embarrassed enough, pants still not completely on, the officer addressed me and asked me to step out of the car.

People nearby were staring, and the cop pulled me aside and asked if I “know this guy” and if I’m “in the car willingly.”  I briefly explained that he was my date and we would be on our way.

After returning to the car, my date suggested that we take our tryst to a less populated area of the parking lot! I explained that it was getting late and that I was ready to head home.

Apparently having a severe case of selective hearing, he parked elsewhere and proceeded to try and put his hand down my pants again. I pushed him off and explained as nicely as possible that I needed to get home.

He then said, “You’re ready to go home now? Well I’m not, so either hang out with me, or walk!”

The movie theater took about 25 minutes to drive to from my house. Even so, I calmly said “Although that sounds tempting, I would much rather walk than have your fingers in my butt one more time,” and shut the door in his face.

He called, texted, emailed, and went as far as finding me on some social networking sites to try and apologize and ask me out again. Needless to say, I ignored his advances.


  1. Gulliver, I'm sorry that girls won't go out with you. Really, I am. Try venturing out of your mother's basement more than once a month. The sun will help clear up your skin a little and make you look a little healthier, so people aren't repelled from afar. They'll still find you repugnant once you open your mouth, but without a job, I doubt you can afford the years of intensive therapy you obviously need. Best of luck.

  2. oh highschool. so dumb. I hope you learned your lesson about dating skeezy guys who can't get adult women their own age so they go cruising for underaged girls.

  3. Don't be repulsed by a finger up your butt! It can be very pleasant.

  4. Gulliver > 2:29

  5. Hold up just one second: You were "horrified" that he would even attempt to finger you like that, yet you continue going at it long enough for him to try it four times? If you want to say no, say no and stand by it. Otherwise you'll end up with idiots like this pushing you around.

    Kudos for walking, but you should have done that well before the cop showed up.

  6. Maybe he was searching for your prostate gland....

  7. Did this permanently destroy your appetite for adventures in the great American backdoors.

  8. why didn't you go with the cop?

  9. @ 5:06 and 8:29
    because she's a stupid inexperienced high school kid, and saw him as a cool "older guy".

    time and experience shows that the "older guy" is just a creep creepin for underage girls.

  10. ^ Gotta get em before the hair does.

  11. @2:29 - It's a tongue-in-cheek running gag. Leave Gulliver alone.

  12. When a guy invites you to see "The Anal Adventures of Pinkie Dongstalking" you wish to lube up first.

  13. If you're not down with a finger in your butt, or you're not ready for a finger in your butt, that's all well and good. But don't let some guy put his finger in your butt multiple times and then keep hanging around him. If you didn't like it, leave. Call a friend.

    If you DID like it, which I'm thinking maybe you did, but you want to keep seeming like a "good girl," then don't post about it on a bad date website and expect sympathy.

  14. I give this post two thumbs up. It will only hurt for a min :)

  15. Haha thanks for all the comments. I'm in my late 20s now and yes I was a stupid inexperienced high school girl and very naive. I had a great time with him prior to this terrible date so in letting him "try, try again" I was being stupid in thinking it was a repetetive accident.
    Needless to say I did learn my lesson.
    And to gulliver, I'm a 5'6" petite blonde... I weighed 97lbs all throughout highschool and now in my 20s am still at 105... So unfortunately your theory does not compute.
    I LOVE this site and all of your comments, negative and otherwise.
    Keep on entertaining me!

  16. 8:24> and yes, the hole has remained 'exit only' ever since... ;)

  17. I gave this post "Two Thumbs IN" and maybe he wanted to swipe his finger under your nose and call you his "Dirty Sanchez"

  18. Troll House Cookies5/03/2010 1:09 PM

    I guess it's okay to post such comments from Gulliver because he has 'profile"? He must be part of a clique that understands this running gag. Anybody else does it, Fizziks & Architect would be calling them out as TROLLS....blech

  19. Love your name, Troll House! We're just happy Gulliver gave us a bit more to work with. I think the clique rule is that more than two lines gets you above the troll mark. Or that you've read enough dates to get the inside jokes (unlike OP's response). Or that we're totally arbitrary and it depends on how bitchcakes we feel on a given day.

  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

  21. Dammit, Fizziks! I bought new waders for that meeting! Jesus. I'm getting mine bedazzled that day, so we can't meet there. What about the IHOP on Rte 40? They've got this new stack of pancakes with cheesecake batter in the middle that I saw on thisiswhyyourefat.com that made me think of you.

    Also, Trollhouse, Fizziks is pretty much correct. If you have a name we can respond to (rather than just a time stamp), and you contribute more to the conversation than just one poorly-written sentence, you're totes in the club and can hang out with the cool kids.

    Also, yes, my self-esteem IS fairly low. How did you know?! ;D

  22. Sounds the girl is stupid to start with. If she was that displeased by the finger she would have left the 1st time! You don't know what your missing until you try it !!! :) M

  23. I prefer to follow Homer Simpson's recipe and wrap Moon Waffles around my deep-fried butter sticks.

  24. I agree with the OP. Warning if not approval is preferable to both sexes before giving the 'ole thumbs up. Thank you for that Lebowski.

    Lube is generally a plus. Especially for Gulliver who may be pumping a fold.


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