And Now for the Punchline...

Submitted by Leslie:

Ron didn't have much in his online profile, but he more than made up for it with his e-mails.  He seemed bright, funny, and charming, and after a little bit of time, I didn't see anything wrong with meeting up at a cafe.

We sat down and he said, "Okay now, just so you know, I'm in rehab."

Oh no... I asked, "Rehab for what?"

He laughed and said, "Name something."


He nodded.


He nodded again.

"Anything else?"

He wiped his nose on his hand and said, "I was sentenced to go to anger management sessions.  But I've sort of been skipping out on those.  They're bullshit.  I didn't do anything wrong."

He must have read the stare I was giving him and he went on, "I'm not kidding.  I can tell you the whole story if you want," and without waiting for a "yes please," he went into it.

Apparently, he went to a friend's house, found the friend's garage open, and helped himself to certain items as a "joke."  The friend didn't take it that way, called the cops, and before they caught him, Ron went to his friend's house and shattered a few windows to let his friend know that he took the garage items "as a joke."

He then went on to tell me that his anger management counselor had told him to go out on a date as part of a way to connect with others, but Ron also felt that this wasn't the right thing to do.

"So here I am, out on a date.  Are we connecting, yet?"

I shook my head.  He pulled out a cigarette, put it in his mouth, and extended his hand.  He said, "Nice meeting you," we shook hands, and he took off.


  1. Hahaha. I love this man.

  2. I think it was really great of him to let you in on this. Especially in light of the advice he was given to date in order to connect. . .

  3. Well, at least he was polite and told you all about it instead of trying to mislead you. (Yeah, granted, he could've done so in his e-mails, but still.) And he was nice enough to just walk away, too! That was the greatest gift of all.

  4. Agreed. He saw the date for what it was--proof that his therapist was a dumbass--and let you off the hook relatively easily.

  5. I wonder what the 'certain items' could have been, what could you possibly take for a joke?

  6. ...Why do people leave their garage doors open? The "friend" was probably asking for it. Just sayin'.

  7. Drug and alcohol rehab, ok. But wiping his nose on his hand? Nuh uh. Oh, and that wasn't the same hand that you shook at the end of the date, was it?

  8. I assumed with the nose-rubbing that he was showing her that his drug rehab wasn't working out so great.

  9. That guy is fucking awesome. He should make a movie about his life.

  10. Erin-Was it 'open' as in standing open(maybe the 'friend' had been working in there and walked away for a few minutes, or forgot) or was it 'open' as in not actually padlocked with a few deadbolts and a rottweiler guarding it?

  11. my 2 thoughts.

    1. rehab is for quitters.

    2. you should have hit that.

  12. I swear I saw this exact thing in a movie once.

  13. This guy is epic.

  14. The more people use the word "epic," the word has less and less impact. Please, save "epic" for things that are truly epic, like winning many gold medals in the Olympics in one year or something. Someone who destroys his friend's property, blows off a date and smokes is a total badass, no doubt, but epic? Really? Come on...

  15. I still remember when epic was used exclusively for long movies...

  16. Young 10:44, you whippersnapper! Why, I remember when "epic" was used exclusively for Greek story-poems sung by a blind man with a harp.

    Ah, the good ol' days...

  17. he could have taken some pussy, just for a "joke" that would be "epic?"


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.