Awkward (ˈôkwərd): Adjective

Submitted by Kevin:

In high school, I had a crush on a girl named Paula. She wasn’t really my type – she was more of an athlete and I was just a dork. But my hormones propelled me forth and I pursued her.  Back then, I didn’t always think before opening my mouth. During our first date, this proved to be quite unfortunate.

We were having dinner at a Chinese restaurant and I was trying hard to be charming. I’m sure it just came off as desperate and awkward, but I was very inexperienced.

At the end of our meal came the fortune cookies. She opened hers up, and as I was opening mine, I said, “It’ll probably say I’m going to get hit by a car or something.” Yep, stupid joke. She suddenly got up and rushed away from the table.

As I sat there trying to figure out how such a dumb joke had upset her, it hit me like a bolt of lightning: her brother, a few years before, was struck by a car and killed.

I felt like the world’s biggest idiot. Such a dumb joke to make in the first place! And then to realize how badly I had jammed my foot into my mouth...

She returned to the table maybe 20 minutes later and I immediately began apologizing profusely. She really was a nice girl and took it in stride and accepted my apology. But I knew that my already slim chances with this girl had just shrunk even more.

Even afterward, Paula continued to be friendly towards me so I entertained the idea of still having a chance with her. As I said, she was athletic, and one day she asked me if I wanted to go running with her around her neighborhood after school. Again, I was an awkward, out-of-shape dork. But, liking her as I did,  I readily accepted her invitation.

I drove her home after school, we changed, and off we went. I’m sure she must have been laughing to herself because I had no idea what I was doing. I did manage to keep up with her but she was probably running slower than usual for my sake.

Then, about a mile from her house, it hit me. Gastrointestinal pain the likes of which I had never known in my short life. I tried to go with it, thinking it might fade if I just kept running, but every ten feet or so I felt like a knife was twisting inside my gut.

Finally I had to fess up and I asked her if we could just both walk back to her house as quickly as possible.  I made it back without any accidents, but I spent the next 45 minutes creating a stench in her bathroom that would likely unnerve the most stoic of crime scene investigators. All the while her mother kept knocking on the bathroom door to make sure that I was okay.

Once I was finally done, I thanked Paula and her mother and slinked on out to my car, my face glowing with embarrassment. Paula was thereafter always friendly to me throughout high school, but that would be the last of our “dates.” Can’t blame her in the least.


  1. Elizabeth R.2/24/2010 9:09 AM

    I think this is the first post I've seen where the author confesses to being the cause of a bad date. Refreshing! You seem like a nice person and so does she.

  2. Although it was the OP who confessed, I don't think him a bad date at all. He seems like a very sweet guy to me. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone does embarrassing things.

    It's the high school dorks who turn out to be the best catches come adulthood. :o)

  3. @9:51 I totally agree. He is probably a stud now!

  4. As already said, nice to see a bad date from the PoV of the person who made it a bad date. No offense intended, OP.

  5. I wonder, if she had written this date story, would we all still feel terrible for the guy? I guess it depends on how well she wrote it...

  6. Hi. This is Paula, the girl who went on this date with the OP.

    He left the seat up after the date and that was the dealbreaker. Well, that and the corn niblet that didn't flush with his bowel cleansing. Icky

  7. Dude, we've all seen Dumb & Dumber...

    Some good bits though; mostly the car death comment.

  8. Andy, are you saying you don't believe the story because you saw something vaguely familiar in a movie once? Everybody poops...

  9. Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't Dumb and Dumber have a guy whose drink was so excessively spiked with laxative that he was stuck in the loo all night? Doesn't sound like this guy at all.

    Anyway, it is nice to see that you admit to what you did wrong, and obviously were sincere in your apologises.

    Good story.

  10. Gastro-intestinal pain is quite usual during a date. I can relate to that, I had that massive fart brewing all along my first date with a girl. You know, you dont want to fart right there so I was excusing myself and was going to the bathroom to pass the fucker. Everytime I went, that stupid fart would vanish back into my innards. In the end, I had to lay down on her bathroom floor until I could pass that gas. Ahhhh, good old days.

  11. Dude - you are a champion among men. If this story is true then I admire your courage in putting it up here.

    It takes a big man to laugh at himself. Such a refreshing change to see someone being self critical of a poor date rather than ratting on someone else. I hope this starts a trend.

    I take my hat off to you sir.

  12. I had the same pain, I farted silently, when she looked at me with this horrified expression, I said "sorry, I blew you a kiss and it must have busted"

  13. Excellent, excellent story. Sounds like you and Paula are both very nice people, and really, it's kind of a shame it didn't work out better.

    It takes a real man to laugh at himself. As a woman, I greatly admire that.

    Kudos to you, my friend.

  14. is it me, or does this sound like one of those stories grandparents tell the kids and grandkids that somewhat grosses everyone out at the same time it makes people think they were meant for each other?

    maybe you should call her again?

  15. No offense but I think you were the bad date here OP..

  16. wow, anon. 4:02 welcome to the conversation. :-P

    this is a funy story, I'm glad she was still nice to you, but admitedly its hard to be attracted to someone when they drop a giant stinky duce in your bathroom lol

    I hope things got better for you in the dating scene.

  17. Ogodogod, this is just like when I was playing a gig at a friend's party, and I was screwing up all over the place because I was half-pissed on cheap beer. After I was done, this girl came up to me and made some mock applause. Rather frustrated with myself, I put my finger to my head and pretended to pull a trigger on a gun. Her face suddenly went white and she stumbled out of the room. It turned out that she was in therapy for having attempted suicide a few months before. With a gun. Ohhhh shit!

    I felt like such an asshole...

  18. wow Gripester, let me guess, this friend hired you to play at her party so she could set you up with her 11 year old who attempted suicide, and you make fun of her? Your dating stories all have the same theme.

  19. People who knock on bathroom doors piss me off. Really, what help can they possibly provide...?


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.