11/14/2017

And That's How We Got Our Coffee Cup Tree

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Story Sent in by Nick:

For a date, Mae invited me to help her plant some flowers in a nearby community garden. We had a good time and then went out for coffee. It was a nice day so we took our drinks to go and we walked around the neighborhood, back in the direction of the garden.

We entered the garden and Mae picked up a spade, dug a hole, and put her coffee cup inside the hole. She then buried it.

I asked her what she was doing and she said that she was planting coffee. I pressed her for more of an explanation and she said that she had read an article that said that if you buried a coffee cup with coffee grinds still within it, it would eventually sprout into a coffee plant.

I laughed out loud at this but she was very serious. I told her that she was effectively littering and possibly hurting other plants in that area. She ignored me and we continued our walk. But I was seriously concerned for her mental state and so I ended the date as genially as possible.

Later that day, just after sunset, I returned to the garden to dig up the coffee cup. I know it was just one cup, but it stuck in my mind and I just wanted to throw it away. Call me OCD. Whatever. It was litter and it was an otherwise nice community garden. I threw the cup away and put the dirt back the way it had been before.

The next day Mae called me and asked, "Did you dig up the coffee cup I planted yesterday?"

"No," I replied.

She said, "Well someone did and now I have to go out and buy a whole other cup of coffee. But I don't understand why it was dug up and nothing else around it was dug up. It's like someone went there to dig up just that cup."

I asked, "How do you know it's not there anymore? Did you actually go and dig up that area again?"

She replied, "I wanted to see if it was sprouting, yet. It's supposed to take no time at all and when it didn't sprout this morning I got suspicious."

I said, "You know that coffee doesn't grow from used coffee cups, right? That article you read was false."

She paused on the line and asked, "What article?"

I was done with her at that point, but I was sure to call and leave a message with the community organization that managed the garden. I gave them Mae's information and let them know that there was a good chance that she'd try to bury more garbage in the plots.

*

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14 comments:

  1. What the bloody hell? My brain is hanging upside down. Just who am I supposed to side with? Chock Full Of Nuts or Lord Of The Garden?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same here. Can someone really believe the bit of coffee left in a cup grow a coffee tree? Or Mae was joking and when she saw Nick was fussing about, she just kept the joke going? Perhaps it's another one of the 1001 ways to act like an idiot to scare your date away instead of having to say you're not into them?

      Delete
  2. Nick sounds pretty lame. Who is so obsessed with litter that they return later to dispose of it and then reports her to the community garden manager? If this incident is indicative of the rest of his personality then she's lucky to be through with Captain Planet.

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    Replies
    1. Ok but... that really would likely cause harm to surrounding plants. This is a communal garden, meaning many people from all over the area pay money and take their time to grow produce and other things along with like minded people. For her to bury trash there for any reason was to not only insult the hard work of these people but to potentially damage what may be months of good work.

      Y'all are silly if you really believe him to be the bad guy here for wanting that type of behavior not to go reported. What even.

      Delete
  3. Just noticed your message in red at the top Jared. Your welcome.I can't stand uneven numbers. Plus, I miss the daily stories. Chunky Horse didn't even make an appearance this Halloween. We can't let that happen again...

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  4. On a somewhat related and slightly creepy note, this company wants to bury you in a pod that grows into a tree. Meaning the tree slowly consumes you over time. I like it...but I've been told I'm kind of creepy.

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    Replies
    1. I signed up two years ago for that. I want to be recycled to the earth where I'll take the place of dinosaurs as a fuel source and be a ghost fuel in a starship.

      Delete
  5. The picture is creepy, but I personally like the idea. A friend of mine who died of cancer a few years chose something similar: she got buried in a biodegradable wicker basket and a tree was planted where you'd normally find the headstone.

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  6. Digs up cup to save garden...throws away cup rather than recycle.

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  7. Wow, the OP has zero sense of humor. I'd say the girl picked up on his persnickety personality and decided to have a bit of fun with it. I once convinced a bad date that I was a professional triangle player who did solo shows, played everything from classical to nine inch nails on my triangle and received standing ovations at the end of my shows. Not sure if he bought it but he definitely prenteded to.

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  8. I'm really disappointed that no cops or lawyers were involved. What kind of American are you? Also, it's a pity that two such perfectly matched mental illnesses could not stay together.

    ReplyDelete

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