10/13/2016

Back Seat Driver

(Howdy! I'm at the Austin Film Festival this week. If any of y'all are down here, give me a shout! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Doris:

Melvin and I sat down together at a nice American restaurant for our first date. He took one look at the menu and said, "Whoa. Look at these prices. Tell you what: we go out to my car, I'll feed you in my back seat, and we call it a night?"

I declined his offer. He said, "Then the best I can offer is splitting a side of fries. That enough for you?"

It wasn't but I was okay with paying my share. When the waitress came over I ordered my dinner to go so that I could leave.

Melvin asked, "To go? What's the hurry?"

I said, "I just want to go home."

He asked, "Need a ride? Once we're done here and we're done in my back seat I can drive you."

"I drove here myself but thanks anyway."

My food came and I bid him goodnight.

15 comments:

  1. Golf clap for OP leaving the bad date early.

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  2. First date rules: bring your own money; have your own transportation; keep your dignity.

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  3. "Hiring a prostitute to too expensive... :-( I know! I'll arrange a dinner date with some random chick online, weasel out of actually buying dinner, and then have some backseat secks for FREE! BRILLIANT!"

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    Replies
    1. Maybe he can't get laid because his name is Melvin.

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    2. at least is isn't Sheldon Plankton.

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  4. I wonder if this was on a Friday and he was trying to tell her he'd pick her seat for her...

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  5. Melvin needed to be given a melvin.You can't invite women to a sausage party in the back of your car if all you have to offer is a cocktail weenie.OP was not at all enticed by the offer and wanted a real meal that would satisfy her.Sausage party denied!

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  6. Brain: If I keep saying 'back seat' she'll get the superliminal hint! And I won't have to pay for dinner!

    Mouth: No dinner! Back seat! Free sore throat! Free laundry detergent for dinner! BACK SEAT! SEX! BAAACCCCKKKK SSSEEAAATTTTT!!!!

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  7. You, sir, are a special kind of dumb, and you give every Melvin on this planet a bad name. No good, Melvin. No good.

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  8. "Whoa. Look at these prices. Tell you what: we go out to my car, I'll feed you in my back seat, and we call it a night?"

    If 'cock sandwich' is your idea of appropriate first date cuisine, you need to rethink your values (or actually get some). Also, don't go on dates if you can't afford it.

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  9. Finally, someone with self-respect.

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  10. Replies
    1. That's actually art. I could swear I've seen it at a gallery.

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  11. Wow some women today. Not only did she think a half order of fries beneath her, she also opted out of backseat in a parking lot secks! I mean what a prude!

    ReplyDelete

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