2/22/2016

How Would He Know?

(My friend Jim wrote an animated horror feature that stars Morena Baccarin from Deadpool and William Shatner. Amazing! Click here and help it come to life! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Su:

Eric brought me to a seafood restaurant. I like most seafood but I don't do oysters. So when Eric asked me if I'd want to split some oysters with him, I politely declined.

I guess he didn't hear me or (more likely) ignored what I had said because he ordered a large oyster platter. It arrived and he sucked them down one after another after another. He offered some to me and I repeated that I didn't like oysters.

He gulped down another and said, "What's not to like about them? They're like little pussies."

Class incarnate, right there. When the check came he asked if we could split it. The answer was no because the oysters were monstrously expensive and I wasn't about to pay for his little pussies. I succeeded in only paying for my meal but guess he didn't like that because I never heard from him again. Thank goodness.

9 comments:

  1. He was trying the old "Oysters are an aphrodisiac" move. When that didn't work, he tried using visual imagery of himself eating pussy. Oysters aren't like pussy at all. More like snot with a little sand mixed in. Pussy has more of a meaty quality.

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  2. Arch, do you have an album of pictures and video links just to use as references??

    I tend to agree, though. This guy either checked out of the date the moment she said she wouldn't want to share the oysters, or he's genuinely that much of an idiot. Either way, bullet dodged.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, since you asked, I actually do. Any time I'm surfing around and find something cool or funny, I save it to a bookmark folder and regurgitate it here for one and all. Here are a few that I've yet to find a good post for:

      Star Wars

      Monk

      Computers

      Delete
    2. I particularly like the hot dog that's hanging out in the audience watching the monk.

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    3. I love the look on his face. That smug son of a bitch.

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  3. Only a CHUD has to resort to the old "oysters as an aphrodisiac" move. That's a clown move, bro...

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    Replies
    1. Clowns need love, too. *honks nose suggestively*

      Delete
    2. MY, what big shoes you have!

      Delete

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