Ex Marks the Spot

(What's a writer's most important job? Click here to find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Eric:

A while back when I was really into Internet dating, I wrote to Denise. I wasn't expecting a response, as most women by and large never even replied with a polite "no-thank-you." But Denise not only replied but actually seemed interested in learning more about me. Feelings were mutual and I took her out to a casual eatery.

For most of our time at dinner, she filled my ears with the latest about her recent breakup. She and her ex had been together for years, she thought they'd marry, she had already picked out names for their four never-to-be-had children, she thought of his siblings as her own, they had done it in so many exciting places, and on and on and on.

Long after I had mentally checked out she asked me, "Will you call him for me?"

"Who?"

"My ex? You can use my phone. You can even leave a message since I know he won't pick up."

"Why would I do that?"

She said, "I just want him to know that I'm out on a date. Please? It's important to me."

"No."

"Please?"

"No. I don't think it's a good idea."

She asked, "Why not? You can use my phone. He won't answer. Just tell him that you're on a date with me and having a good time. You don't even need to use your name. You're calling from my phone and that will be enough."

Without waiting for another "no," she dialed this guy's number and shoved the phone at me. I didn't take it.

"Take it!" she whispered, "Take it! Take it!"

I took it and hung up immediately. She asked, "Why did you do that? You were supposed to leave a message!" and she dialed him up again and held the phone out to me.

I took it, and while it faced away from her I hung up but held it to my ear to make her think that I was going to leave a message. But while I held it to my ear for the amount of seconds I thought it would take to listen to a voicemail message, her phone rang.

I handed it to her. She said, "It's him! It's him! Answer it!"

"I'm not answering it! It's your phone!"

She grabbed it, accepted the call, and thrust the phone back at me. I didn't take it. She shook it at me like she really wanted me to take it, but I didn't. I was afraid she'd throw it at me, but the guy must have hung up because she looked at the phone, shook with what I guessed was rage, and shoved it back in her pocket. "Thanks a lot," she said, "You ruined everything."

Boo hoo. I finished my sandwich, told her I had someplace to be, and left.