2/03/2015

Behind the House the Ground Has Opened Up

Story Sent in by Verna:

I fielded dating site emails from all sorts of losers until Gerald sent me a message. He was astonishingly polite and was able to write cohesive sentences. Maybe it was just that he was the one-eyed man in the land of the blind, but I didn't see any red flags in the beginning and so we kept up a correspondence.

After a bit he asked me out to lunch and gave me an address. I asked him if it was a restaurant and he said it was that of an amazing deli.

When I pulled up to the address he had given me, I found it was a house. I called him to ask if I had the right place and he said I did. "Come on out back," he encouraged me.

When I found him in the backyard, he was digging a hole. And when I say it was a hole, I mean it was deeper than he was tall, and he was close to six feet. He was in torn jeans, no shirt, and was sweatier than any sweaty man I had ever before beheld.

He pointed to another shovel nearby. "Grab it," he said, "Help me out."

"No," I replied, "We doing lunch?"

He laughed. "When we're done digging."

"Why are you digging?"

"We're playing a trick on my friend. Come on. Grab the shovel."

I asked him, "This isn't your house?"

"No. Grab the shovel. It'll be faster with two. Then I'll take you to the deli."

I was in date attire, but I figured that the sooner we were done there, the sooner we'd do lunch. I didn't put forth much digging effort at all, and he was evidently displeased with the quality of my work and ultimately asked me to be lookout.

"Why are we digging a hole?" I asked him.

He didn't answer but climbed out and said, "I'll finish myself later. Let's have lunch."

He toweled himself down and threw on a shirt. We walked to a nearby deli and he bought us sandwiches. When we sat down I asked him what the deal was with the hole.

He said, "I'm playing a trick on my friend. It's his house. I'm going to put a blanket over it and spikes on the bottom." He nearly choked with laughter on his Sprite after he said that. It was around this time that I thought I'd be better off as far away from Gerald as possible.

Once I was done with the sandwich, he asked me if I was ready to go back and help him some more. But I turned him down and went home. He must have sensed my disillusionment because he never called me again, which was a good thing. As for his "friend," I have no idea if he wound up in the backyard pit or not.

6 comments:

  1. Now, if I was meeting someone for the first time, and I came upon them digging a six foot deep hole and they asked me to help, my first thought would be "I am not going to help dig my own grave." But you just went with it so you could get some lunch. Yeah, I get that. I mean, what could go wrong?

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  2. http://youtu.be/ytWz0qVvBZ0

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  3. Well..She was pretty strong on referring to all the others she breezed thru, as losers, so she may have been desperate by this point? I would have thought the same thing as above, excusing myself to go grab something that will be just perfect to help. Then run for the hills, and be completely ecstatic for knowing I defeated death just one more day!

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  4. Thank you JMG - I really enjoyed that !

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  5. A date is a good place to recruit a digging buddy. Even if it was just a joke.

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