1/01/2015

New Year's Baby

Story Sent in by Peter:

Suzy messaged me on OkCupid. Her username was NewYearsBabe*. Each one of her profile essays mentioned (in so many words) that she was born on New Year's Day. "Being born on New Year's gives me a special perspective on the year" and "Only people born on New Year's can say they've lived an entire year." Not sure about the logic on that, but she seemed nice enough so we ended up on a date.

"Were you born on New Year's?" she asked me when we sat down.

"I was born in August."

"Oh my God. I am so sorry."

"Why?"

That's when she launched into a clearly prepared speech about why being born on January first was just the bee's knees. Here are the best bits to my recollection: "Some people might say that being born on New Year's Day is the worst, but I say it is the best... In Germany, being born on New Year's Day is a sign of massive good luck for a lifetime... Babies born in winter are the most beautiful, and what day is more winter than January first... Those who are born on New Year's are statistically more likely to die on the day of their birth than anyone else, giving me a slight statistical advantage when it comes to planning my life..."

Once she was done, I said, "Good for you."

"More like great for me. I was born on January first!"

I asked her, "Can I see your license?"

That wiped the smile right off her face. "My license? Why? Why?"

"You can cover up the year when you show it to me. I just want to see proof you were born on the first."

"I was born on the first. Why would I lie about that?"

"So prove it."

She took out her license and flashed it in front of my face too fast for me to see anything. "I didn't see your birthdate," I told her.

"It says January first."

"So let me see. I don't need to see the year. You can cover it with your thumb."

She put her license away. "My license is gone, now. Too bad for you."

"So I guess you weren't born on January first."

"I was. Prove to me that you were born in August!"

I showed her my license for a good, long time. She said, "Must suck to have an August birthday. Not like mine. On January first. New Year's."

Clearly she was lying, though I couldn't imagine why. I was done with her after the one date.

-

*Changed slightly. You stalker.

5 comments:

  1. Rule #1 of online dating: never lie about something that can immediately found out in a matter of seconds of meeting your date IRL: height, weight, occupation, and the actual date you were born

    ReplyDelete
  2. Why oh why did Jarred have to change the user name? I so wanted to go on that site and find her so I could date a woman that can't even be honest about her own birthday.

    Can you imagine that later in life though?
    "I'm so glad we got married in June! The happiest couples always get married in June!"
    "But we got married in February."
    "I'm glad our kids were born in August. All the cutest kids are born in August!"
    "But our kids were born in April and November."
    etc.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was born on Christmas and let me tell you, I HATE telling people my birthday. Because I always get the same responses and questions. 'Oh that must suck! Do you get double presents? How do you celebrate your birthday?' And so on. The fact that this chick just wouldn't shut up about it makes me think that there was nothing else about here that was interesting. And she even had to lie about it. If she really was born on New Years, she would have avoided the subject in order to not hear the same tired jokes and questions about it, guaranteed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Just a pathological liar. Happy to lie about small or big things as long as someone believes it. It's an addiction.

    Also, my baby girl was born on July 4th. I'm sure that will have some interesting repercussions in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You pretend you're anything, just to be adored ... A million lies to sell yourself is all you'll ever have.

    ReplyDelete

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